A Message Before Dying
by shivez
Summary: The picture was jerky, dark, and unfocused for a few moments until a light came on and a face came into view. The face began to speak, weak and in pain. “My name in Samantha Carter, Major, U.S. Air Force, member of SG-1. I am dying.”
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Sam is in the wrong place at the wrong time and is taken prisoner by a radical political group.

**Character(s):** Sam, Sam/Jack (UST)

**Season:** Season 3 or 4

**Spoilers:** None

**Warnings****:** Major physical and mental Sam whump.

**Disclaimer**: I am just borrowing Stargate and its characters for a little while. I promise to give them back when I'm done.

**A/N: Sam Carter is definitely my favorite character, but for some reason, I love to see her whumped. A Message Before Dying is a story about Sam and how she handles herself in a prisoner of war type situation. **

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**Chapter 1:**

_Colonel Jack O'Neill walked into the briefing room hands stuffed deep in his pockets head down. He wearily sat down in the chair closest to the television that had been set up to play the video tape. He closed his eyes for a brief moment inhaling deeply before he turned on the recording. He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees exhaling the breath he had been holding and pressed play. _

_The picture was jerky, dark, and unfocused for a few moments until a light came on and a face came into view. _

_The face began to speak, weak and in pain. "My name in Samantha Carter, Major, U.S. Air Force, member of SG-1. I am dying."_

_O'Neill paused the tape and leaned back in his chair unsure if he really wanted to view the remainder. He rubbed his calloused hands through his hair and over his face as he fought his internal battle of want versus should. Minutes passed as Carter's frozen image stared back at him. Reluctantly he pressed play._

_**6 Months Ago**_

Jack O'Neill was bored. "Carter, remind me again why we're on P4X…"

"532, sir." She volunteered the remainder of the planet designation knowing O'Neill would claim to not know the rest. "Trade negotiations for Naquadah and the opportunity to study their Naquadah enhanced pulse cannon."

"Right, the big honking space gun." He replied ginning at Carter. He knew she was thrilled he would even describe her as giddy to have the opportunity to study the pulse cannon. The military was as excited as Carter was. Although the Volostrians would not trade for one of the cannons, they did agree to allow Carter access to study the design during SG-1's stay. If they were able to reverse engineer the design, Earth would have a viable weapon to use against the Goa'uld. "Yes, well, off you go to do what ever it is that you do while we guys have all the fun." He motioned at her as if shooing her out of the room.

"Yes, sir." She replied although she could not keep the smile from her face.

'Mission accomplished' thought O'Neill. 'Make Carter smile.'

"Stay in radio contact."

Carter nodded and turned to leave the meeting room but stopped suddenly and walked over to Daniel. "Daniel, did you bring you camcorder?"

"Always."

"Would you mind if I borrowed it?"

"Sure Sam, are you planning on doing some sight-seeing on the way" He asked jokingly as he dug through his field pack and handed her the recorder.

"I was hoping the Volostrians would allow me to record some of my observations of the pulse cannon. It would be a lot easier so I wouldn't have to write down so much."

"Don't have too much fun."

"Thanks, Daniel, same to you." She replied giving him a bright smile and left the room.

*******************

"_We were on a trade mission to P4X-532. I don't know what happened to Colonel O'Neill, Daniel, or Teal'c. I lost radio contact after the attack." _

_The explanations were short in between gasps for breath. _

_He could sense she was fighting to stay conscious, trying to explain what happened before she…before she could not fight any longer._

*******************

The attack happened fast. A Volostrian research scientist was giving Carter a tour of the weapon's facility when several heavily armed groups stormed the building. Weapons fire and shouting could be heard throughout. Carter instinctively keyed her radio to appraise SG-1 of the situation. "Colonel O'Neill, come in. The weapons facility is under attack. I repeat we are under attack."

She quickly motioned for her escort to retreat as they took cover in a secluded alcove in the hallway they had been proceeding down. She could hear heavy footsteps approaching their position. She raised her finger to her mouth motioning the scientist to remain quiet. Three heavily armed soldiers approached their position and passed. Carter stepped from her hidden position and opened fire at the group felling the three men. She turned back to the scientist, "we have to go," grabbing his arm to lead him away. Her radio came to life as they began to make their way down the hall.

"Carter, this is O'Neill, respond."

As she reached for her radio to respond, she was thrown forward by an energy blast. She hit the floor with a sickening thud landing on her P-90 pain emanating from her back and chest. 'Dammit, where the hell did that come from?' she thought as she tried to quickly turn onto her back. A ruthless kick to her side first prevented her from moving. She was too dazed to fight as her arms were forced roughly behind her back and quickly and efficiently bound; a heavy, suffocating hood was placed over her head.

As quickly as the attack happened, Carter was out of the weapons facility and in some type of transport vehicle, moving away from the building, away from Volostra, away from SG-1.

She could hear Colonel O'Neill calling for her on the radio. "Carter, come in. What the hell is happening?" She listened as his calls grew more frantic ordering her to communicate helpless to respond. "Dammit, Major, report!" The calls became filled with static the further the transport moved away, "Car…t…, SG…way…e..a.. 10 mi…s…" then silence.

*******************

The negotiations were going nowhere. God, what O'Neill would give to be with Carter right now touring the weapons facility instead of being here. Space guns he could deal with even if he did not understand anything about them. Posturing bureaucrats only interested in themselves, he hated.

"Minister Hvas, we are prepared to offer our assistance in the development of improved Naquadah based energy technology for access to your Naquadah mining operation." Thankfully Daniel was handling most of the negotiations. O'Neill would have left an hour ago.

"Dr. Jackson, your offer is enticing, however…" Minster Hvas was interrupted by O'Neill's radio blaring to life Carter's voice filling the room.

"Colonel O'Neill, come in. The weapons facility is under attack. I repeat we are under attack." O'Neill shot a Daniel and Teal'c an alarmed look and reached for his radio to respond.

"Carter, this is O'Neill, respond." The radio was silent as O'Neill waited impatiently for Carter to reply. He looked sternly to Minister Hvas for an explanation. "Minister, what is going on? Who is attacking your facility?" A look of fear on the minister's face told O'Neill he knew something.

He tried his radio again. "Carter, come in. What the hell is happening?" The radio replied with silence. "Dammit, Major, report!"

O'Neill rose from his position at the conference table and angrily walked over to Minister Hvas. He grabbed him, roughly pulling him up. "I want to know what the hell is going on and I want to know now!" He spat the words in the minister's face.

"I…I…don't."

O'Neill cut him off. "I don't want to hear that crap. Who attacked the facility?"

"Colonel, you must understand. This was not meant to happen. We were aware of them, but we assumed they…we had hoped Major Carter would be able to…" The minister babbled incoherently as SG-1 looked on in frustration.

"Stop. Just stop. What are you trying to say, Hvas?"

Minister Hvas looked at O'Neill and dropped his head in resignation. "The Naquadah pulse cannon is not fully operable. The facility is still conducting research. We were hoping Major Carter's expertise in Naquadah would allow us to finally complete the project."

"You were just using her to fix you big gun? Why not just ask?"

"We were afraid you would say 'no'." 'Hindsight is twenty twenty.' He irritatingly muttered under his breath.

"Who attacked the facility?"

"It must have been the Midgren. They…" The minister hesitated choosing his words carefully before continuing. "They have extreme views…"

O'Neill had heard enough. "Carter, we're on our way, eta 10 minutes."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks so much for your reviews. I hope you enjoy the next chapter. Please let me know what you think.**

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**Chapter 2:**

_O'Neill felt an overwhelming sense of guilt watching Carter's slowly fade away in front of him while he sat here in perfect health save for two bum knees. He should have gone with her. __He should have been there with her enduring the pain with her. She was sitting on the floor leaning heavily against a wall. Her face was battered and bloody; her left eye swollen shut. The garment she wore or what was left of it was covered in blood. He assumed hers. Her right leg was wrapped heavily in some type of bandage blood slowly seeping through. She held her left arm protectively against her body, protecting her ribs, a broken arm, or her bleeding abdomen, or all three. He was not sure._

_Sam paused in her account as a wave of pain encompassed her. She reached to turn off the camera but stopped when the pain or exertion or both were too much to bear. She closed her eyes as if commanding the agony to stop._

_A lifetime later, she opened her eyes and continued her account. "I have multiple injuries. Lost a lot of blood, too much blood..."_

******************

She was called a political "detainee" by the government. Whose government, she did not know. The truth was she was a prisoner. She was herded into the detention facility like an animal where she was searched and stripped of her clothes, shoes, her identify. She was now an nameless prisoner of a war she knew nothing about.

Guards pushed her roughly against a metal wall. The metal was cool against her body covered only in a thin tunic and feet bare. Metal doors could be heard opening. She was shoved through a door and forced to a hard unforgiving floor where she was chained, hog-tied and left bound and blind in the cell.

The silence of the cell was deafening as her labored breaths under the weight of the heavy hood echoed off the metal walls. Sleep was impossible, the pull of the restraints unbearable.

The door to the cell opened and heavy booted feet entered. She was released from the restraints and pulled forcefully off the floor her cramped unused limbs screamed in protest at the forced movement.

"Move!" A guard shouted shoving her in the back with some type of weapon. Carter turned suddenly and lashed out blindly her fist connecting with soft flesh. A loud "oomph" was heard followed by an explicative. The small victory was cut short when a weapon landed viciously into her chest and another to the head. She dropped unconscious to the floor. The guards quickly moved in securing her wrists and ankles and dragging her lifeless body out of the cell.

*******************

A door opened and slammed shut. A chair scraped along the floor and a weight settled on top. The chair scraped again as it was moved forward.

"Remove it." A deep voice ordered.

Carter tensed and jerked when invisible hands pulled off the hood.

"Who are you?" The deep voice demanded.

"Wha…" Her reply was slurred and weak. The fog of unconsciousness was slow in lifting.

"Who are you?"

"Majr…" Darkness began creeping in again.

Hands suddenly grabbed a fist full of her hair and pulled her head back and held it firmly. "Speak. Who are you?"

"Major…Samantha….Carter."

Sam was left in the interrogation room unguarded. There was no chance she could escape. Her shackled wrists were attached by a short connecting chain to a metal ring on the table and her ankles similarly attached to another ring in the floor. The heavy hood had been placed back over her head and tightened so she could not force it off; her skull pounding from the blow she received when she tried to fight back against who she was not sure.

She could hear metal doors opening and closing down the corridor and guards shouting at other detainees. The door to her room opened again. She heard the metal chair scrape against the floor and the same deep voice.

"Remove it." The hood was removed and her vision was assaulted by overhead lights. The pounding in her head increased. She closed her eyes willing the pain to go away.

"Who are you?" He demanded.

Sam did not respond. The man was large with chiseled features, black eyes, and closely cropped black hair. He was a solider. He was not part of the Volostrian military.

"I told you who I was." She responded irritated at being asked the same question over again. "Who are you? Why am I here?"

The man nodded at another guard standing behind Sam. Before she could react, she felt a blow to the back of her head propelling her forward. She was unconscious before her head impacted with the table.

Frigid water brought her suddenly back to consciousness.

"Shall we begin again?" The dark hair man inquired. "Who are you?"

Sam could not open her eyes, the pounding in her head magnified by the newest assault. Her head hung limply down.

"Do you need more encouragement?"

"I told you. Major Samantha Carter." She spoke weakly. "Who are you? Where am I?" She asked again lifting her head up to look her interrogator in the eyes.

"I am Reynarc and you are a guest of the government." He replied smugly.

"Does your government always beat and chain up its guests like animals?"

Reynarc nodded to the other guard again and spoke. "Please show the prisoner how we treat our guests."

*******************

She was shown to the "guest" accommodations, a three foot by three foot cage. The hood was shoved back over her head and tightened. She was pushed into the cage with her arms still bound behind her and ankles restrained. She could not sit nor stand and was forced to stay in a crouched position. The guards left slamming the heavy metal door behind them. She was alone. Within minutes her muscles were screaming; within hours she was in agony barely able to hold in the screams of anguish her body longed to release.

The metal door opened. In her haze of torment, she heard booted feet enter. The cage door opened and she was pulled out. She did not try to stand; she would not have been able. She was dragged down the corridor and dropped onto the floor of the interrogation room.

Carter could sense someone was already in the room, she suspected Reynarc was watching the results of his handy work.

"Remove it." She heard Reynarc order before the hood was loosened and jerked from her head. She inhaled deeply fighting to overcome the uncontrollable spasms of her body.

Did you enjoy the guest accommodations?"

"A little cramped for my liking." She answered her voice shaking with exhaustion. The remark earned her a boot in the stomach.

"Who do you work for?"

She could not respond as she tried to push the rising nausea down and regain her breath from the assault. "What?"

"Why are you consorting with the Volostrians?"

"Not consorting. Explorer. Tau'ri." She gasped out. Another boot to the stomach followed.

"Do you expect me to believe your lies?" He asked

"Yes."

Reynarc's expression turned hard. "Return her."

Sam was dragged again from the room and returned to the cage. The process repeated three more times each time she left Reynarc more battered and she was left in the cage longer. Each time she lost more of her self control.

"What do you want from me?" Sam asked her voice shaky and weak.

"Where is the weapon you were helping the Volostrians build?"

"I don't know anything. I told you I am an explorer."

"You lie, we found you in the weapons facility with another Volostrian scientist."

"Yes, I was there but I don't know anything about the weapon. I was there to study it." She was too exhausted to argue.

"You killed three of my men. I should kill you now for your crime."

"You attacked, I was protecting myself."

Reynarc was frustrated by her denials. She was there in the facility. "I grow tired of your lies, prisoner, you will tell me what I want to know or you will die."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: More Sam whumping ahead. I know I am really putting Sam through the ringer but don't lose hope. Thanks again for the reviews. **

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**Chapter 3:**

"_I didn't know what Reynarc wanted me to say. He thought I was helping the Volostrians build weapons to use against them. I never found out who they were." _

_She began to lose focus. "Sir, I tried contracting you when they attacked. I was hit from behind. Too fast. I'm sorry. Not strong enough." She closed her eyes mumbling words to herself, 'not strong', 'sorry', 'didn't talk', 'sorry, sir.' The words stopped; her head slumped forward as she lost consciousness._

"_Dammit, Carter," He said out loud to the empty briefing room snapping the pencil into he was mindlessly twisting in his anxious fingers. "You're sorry?"_

*******************

She was placed in a small metal box no wider than five feet across and six feet tall. Rigid shackles were attached to her hands and ankles. It was impossible to stand and hand mobility was minimal. Her movements were monitored constantly. She had not slept for days, how many she could not say. Her confinement was a vicious battle, the desire to sleep versus the icy water that was dumped on her when her body began to win the fight. Carter could feel herself beginning to succumb again to the sleep her body so desperately craved. She lay on the metal floor in a fetal position cold, wet, her body shaking from the icy water and effects of sleep deprivation. Her door opened. She did not bother to look up knowing the water would be next.

"Move, prisoner!" The words yelled at her as two guards grabbed her arms and jerked her off the floor. She could barely stand. Her muscles were weak from disuse, lack of sleep and food. She felt as if she would bonelessly collapse back to the floor if the guards let go of her arms. One guard removed the rigid shackles from her ankles and began replacing them with ones that would allow her to walk.

The door to her cell was left open and there were only two guards. She saw this as her opportunity to attempt an escape although she did not know how far she would get in her current condition. She quickly raised her leg and kicked the kneeling guard with what strength she had, it would not be much but she hoped it was enough to get out. The guard collapsed to the floor. She slammed the back of her head into the standing guard, the crunch of breaking bone reassuring her attack succeeded. The guard fell to the floor unmoving. She moved toward the open door, adrenaline propelling her weakened body forward. When she reached the door, she paused for a brief moment contemplating which direction to take. A hood was always on her head or she was unconscious when she was brought into the corridor. She chose right, left she knew lead toward her interrogation room.

Carter ran as fast as her exhausted body allowed her; the corridor seemed to stretch for miles. It was empty and eerily silent; the only sounds were her bare feet against the floor. She spared a glance behind her to see if the guards were following; she was not alone. A guard stumbled out of her cell and started running toward her. Alarms started blaring. The corridor abruptly ended at a locked door. She was trapped.

The guard approached her position. More guards were approaching from the other end of the corridor. Carter prepared to defend herself. She tried to land another kick to his body as the guard headed straight for her position. He parried her weak kick and slammed her against the wall. She slid to the floor gasping for breath from the guard's tackle helpless to defend herself when he started pummeling her with kicks and punches to her body.

She thought the beating would never end or that unconsciousness would never claim her. She finally felt the blackness beginning to overtake her when she heard Reynarc's voice.

"Enough."

"But the prisoner tried to escape."

"She will be duly punished, bring her."

*******************

She knew where she was even before she was fully conscious. She felt the cool metal table against her face and the pull of the shackles against her ankles and wrists. She was really beginning to hate this room. Moaning slightly, she slowly lifted her head and met the eyes of Reynarc.

"You tried to escape."

"Just stretching my legs and getting some fresh air." She replied in her best Colonel O'Neill imitation bracing herself for the backlash from the guard standing behind her.

"You killed one of my guards." He slid his chair closer to the table and leaned in close to her face. "Samantha…" He pronounced her name slowly familiarly, "what am I going to do with you?"

Carter found it odd that Reynarc had begun calling her by her first name instead of prisoner. "You could let me go."

Reynarc leaned back in his chair smiling at her comment. "Let you go" His smile turning into a deep sadistic laugh, "but you and I are having such fun."

*******************

O'Neill wandered aimlessly down the hallway lost in his thoughts. He stopped suddenly when he was standing in front of the door to Carter's lab. He found himself here almost everyday. It had been over a month since Carter had been taken prisoner by the Midgren. Over four weeks of waiting powerless to help. He walked into her lab careful not to touch anything breakable and sat down in her chair. He picked up a pencil and began spinning it in circles on her desktop.

"If you keep spinning that pencil you're going to put a hole in Sam's desk." He looked up surprised to see Daniel leaning against the door to Carter's lab.

"At least I'm doing something, Daniel." He said continuing to turn the pencil. "The SGC and the Volostrians certainly aren't doing anything to find Carter."

Daniel winced at O'Neill's words. "Jack."

"No, Daniel, I don't want to hear it." He stopped spinning the pencil and looked angrily at Daniel. "They knew about the Midgren, knew they were some wacko extremist military group, knew they thought the Volostrians were planning on attacking, hell they probably were. They used us, used Carter. They let her walk into that facility…" He abruptly stopped his ranting and turned his attention back to the pencil.

"Jack, they're looking for her." Daniel responded trying to placate Jack's foul mood.

"You know, that's the thing, I don't think they are. I think they know exactly where she is and aren't doing a damn thing about it." The pencil stopped and flew across the room.

"Why? Why would they do that?"

"Think about it, Daniel, they're afraid. They're supposed to be the dominant power on Volostra but it's all an act and they're afraid the Midgren are going to call their bluff."

"I think they called it."

"Yeah."

*******************

_He felt like a voyeur witnessing Carter's suffering. She was unconscious for thirty minutes, thirty agonizing minutes he watched her barely breathing on the tape. She awoke with a jerk; she was startled and tried to move further against the wall as if trying to protect herself. From what? He could only imagine what dark place she was in. _

_The sudden movements caused her to groan loudly, the unexpected activity aggravating her injuries. She took several deep, labored breaths. She looked forward and noticed the camcorder was still recording, a look of regret showed on her face._

_She took another breath, "sorry about napping on the job," trying to make light of her weakness._

"_Carter, only you, would be apologizing for passing out after what you've been through." He said aloud to the television screen. "What did you go through?"_

_She began again, "Tried to escape…"_

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For days, weeks, she was confined to her cell. There was no light or physical contact with anyone. The only sounds she heard were her voice reciting equations, the periodic table of elements, computer programs, the Air Force Code of Conduct and the small door flap to her cell when the meager rations of water and food, enough to barely keep her alive were shoved through. She was determined not to give Reynarc the simple pleasure of watching her slowly lose her mind, which she was.

'_Samantha.'_ Reynarc's voice whispered in her mind, _'are you having fun?_ _It won't be long now.'_

"Go away!" She yelled into the darkness gripping her head with her hands willing the voice to disappear. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to fight the demons of her mind.

'_Samantha, I'm hurt.'_

"Go away" she said again pleading the whispers to leave. "You're not real. You…are…not…. real"

'_Carter.'_

She was huddled into the corner of her cell trying to get as far away from the voices as she could when she heard her name, recognized the familiar voice, "sir?"

Her door opened unexpectedly. Light streamed in causing her to close her eyes. Four heavily armed guards entered. Using the wall as a support Carter pushed herself up to a standing position ready to defend herself. She was never given the chance. Before she could react, she was thrown back against the wall by a blast from a weapon one of the guards held, pain her last thought before she passed out.

Carter really did hate this room. She had woken up too many times now chained to the table and Reynarc staring smugly at her. She was still dazed from her most recent encounter with Reynarc's guards barely able to focus.

"Samantha, it has been awhile since we have had the chance to visit. Did you enjoy yourself while you were away?"

She was tired of playing games with Reynarc; she did not reply.

Reynarc's smile disappeared with Carter's silence. "I have not forgotten, Samantha, that you tried to escape and killed one of my guards."

Silence.

"I could make life much easier for you if you tell me what I want to know."

Silence.

"Tell me about the Volostrians' weapon and I will let you go."

Silence.

Reynarc was losing his patience with Carter's silence. "Very well" he motioned for the guard standing by the door, "show Major Carter how we reward silence in our guests."

*******************

"_It hurt." She paused and closed her eyes as if reliving the nightmare._

_O'Neill did not know what she meant by this statement. He was not sure he really wanted to know._

*******************

The guards placed the hood back over her head so she could not see the new "guest accommodations" she was being taken to. She assumed they had arrived when a guard pushed her roughly against a wall and grabbed her arms tightly binding them and her hands behind her back with a rope. She could feel another rope being attached to her bound hands and Reynarc's voice.

"Begin."

She felt the rope tighten and her arms suddenly pulled up behind her. Agonizing pain ripped through her arms and shoulders as the guards pulled the rope tighter. When her feet left the floor, she wanted to scream but refused to give Reynarc the satisfaction.

"Enough. Remove the hood."

A guard jerked the hood off her head. She looked down with pain filled eyes to see Reynarc staring back at her. She tried to kick out with her legs at him, but the movement only caused more pain more agony.

"How does it feel, Samantha? I hope you are not too uncomfortable." He told her with a smile laughing as he turned and left the room.

Carter did not know how long she had been hanging minutes, hours, days? Through the agony, the suffering, she remained silent. The guards refused to allow the welcome oblivion of unconsciousness overtake her body dosing her with water when she passed out. The pain, the pain was unbearable. She could feel her shoulders being slowly ripped from their joints. She wanted to scream she was going to scream if the anguish did not stop soon.

As if on cue, the door to her torture chamber opened and Reynarc entered. He walked up to Carter her head hanging lifelessly down toward her chest. He placed his hand under her chin and lifted her face toward him. He saw the torment in her features and smiled. "I must say, Samantha, you have looked better" he said tracing her jaw with his finger.

Carter tried to jerk her head away from Reynarc's grasp; the movement sent searing daggers of agony through her arms. She grimaced and, a low, tortured moan escaped from her lips.

Reynarc's smile brightened at Carter's pain. He nodded to the guards. The rope holding her aloft was loosened; she was unconscious before she hit the floor.

*******************

'_Carter.'_ She could hear Colonel O'Neill's voice but could not see him. It was too dark.

'_Carter!'_ She did not know where he was.

"Sir?" She managed to croak out through her parched throat.

'_Come on Major, you need to move.'_

She was shivering. She could feel the cold seeping through the flimsy garment she wore. She tried to move. Burning pain radiated throughout her arms, shoulders, chest. She groaned.

"H..h…hurts."

'_I know it does, but you need to get up before he comes back.'_

"W…w…where are y…y…you, sir?"

'_You can't let him break you'_

'_Samantha…'_ A new voice, familiar, cut through the darkness. '_I'm hurt. You will talk to him but you will not talk to me.'_

"Don't know anything."

'_I will let you go, just tell me what I want to know.'_

"No."

'_Next time will be worse.'_

Time passed slowly, her only companions were the voices that filled the silent void in her mind waging a battle for her sanity.

She sat pressed against the far wall of the cell with her knees pulled up for warmth and head down. She still trembled uncontrollably. She heard the lock to her cell, "they're coming, sir," she whispered.

'_You will not quite on me, Major.' _

She did not respond.

*******************

O'Neill was in his quarters on base when the klaxons started blaring. He spent the majority of his free time here or in Carter's lab, waiting, hoping for information about Carter. It seemed the entire SGC had given up hope except him and he could not do a damn thing about it. So he waited.

"Unscheduled offworld activation." The announcement echoed throughout the SGC. "SG-1 to the control room."

He entered the control room as the wormhole opened against the closed iris. He was greeted by General Hammond and SG-1. "General, Daniel, T, what's up?"

"I don't know, Colonel."

"It's the Volostrians, General. Minister Hvas is requesting to speak with you." The gate technician replied.

"Well it's about damn time." O'Neill blurted out interrupting Hammond before he could respond.

"Colonel" Hammond said shooting him a quick verbal reprimand although his facial expression agreed with the outburst.

"Sorry, General."

"On screen."

The familiar face of Minister Hvas appeared. "Minister Hvas," Hammond greeted, "it has been some time since we heard from you. Do you have any news on the whereabouts of yours scientists and Major Carter?"

"We have recently ascertained the location of the Midgren base." Hvas announced, "It is a highly fortified facility. We are confident that Major Carter is being held there."

"This is good to hear Minister. We would like to take part in the rescue attempt of your people and the Major."

The minister hesitated before he responded. "General Hammond, Volostra has recently completed assembly of the pulse cannon we had hoped Major Carter would assist us with. We intend to destroy the facility and quail the Midgren insurgency."

O'Neill exploded from behind Hammond. "Son of a bitch!"

Hammond ignored the outburst, "Minister Hvas, are you saying you are not going to attempt a rescue of your people before you destroy the facility?"

"No, General Hammond, we feel the death of the scientists will be an acceptable lose if we succeed in crippling the Midgren insurgency."

"Over my dead body!" O'Neill erupted again.

"Colonel!"

"Minister Hvas," Hammond paused trying to compose himself. "Killing your own people may be acceptable to you, but I'll be damned if I let you kill someone under my command."

"I am sorry General; the decision has already been made."

With those words, the transmission ended, the screen turning black mimicking the mood in the control.

"General, you can't…"

"Colonel, SG-1, in my office." Hammond interrupted effectively cutting the plea off before it began. Once the door was closed, SG-1 began pleading their case.

"General, please tell me you are not going to let that smarmy weasel kill Carter."

Hammond looked at the three men standing in his office. Their expressions were imploring him to fight for Major Carter's life. "Right now my hands are tied. Unless we know the location of the Midgren facility, we are in no position to mount a rescue." They knew he was right although they did not want to admit the truth. Carter was going to die.

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**Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks again for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: One last chapter of Sam whumping. I promise. As I have told some of my reviewers who have expressed their concerns for Sam and what I have put her through, it is always darkest before dawn. Thanks again for the reviews.**

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**Chapter 4:**

_She had an infection. Sweat covered her battered face and she shivered against the wall. Carter's thoughts and words became less coherent by the minute. She was suffering and there was nothing she could do about it._

_Whether it was from the infection and fever raging in her body or the thought of dying, the tale Carter was trying to relay had become personal, she seemed to be talking directly to him. She would speak a few disjointed words or phrases and close her eyes as if the effort were too much for her body. The pain and fever evident in her features seemed to grow worse each time she opened her eyes._

"_He kept coming, sir. Took me back again" _

"_I'm sorry, sir…I tried."_

_He felt sick. She was still trying to prove herself to him even after they, the SGC, SG-1, he, failed her. _

*******************

She lost count at three the number of times she had been dragged back to her new chamber of pain.

Reynarc was always present overseeing the torment. "Samantha, I can keep this up indefinitely or until you die. Tell me what I want to know and it will end." His words were spoken in a sickeningly sympathetic voice as if he were suffering with her.

She was not sure how much longer her body could endure the pull of the ropes, the beatings, the isolation, the voices.

He was winning. She was breaking

She awoke to the familiar darkness of her cell and the agonizing pain. She did not move it was too much to ask of her body; it was too much to ask of herself.

'_Carter.'_ She lay curled in a fetal position on the floor ignoring the voice.

'_Carter.' _

'_So that's it? You're giving up?' _

'_Of course you are giving up, Samantha.' _

"Go away." She whispered. "Please go away."

'_I won, Samantha.'_

She closed her eyes and welcomed the darkness.

*******************

SG-1 had been on Volostra for a week searching for the Midgren base, hoping for any kind of information about Carter. Hammond had authorized the mission after Minister Hvas informed the SGC of the Volostrians intent to destroy the Midgren base of operations. They had no intention of attempting a rescue of their people or Carter and would not divulge the location of the base to SG-1. Hence the last seven days of intel gathering and waiting.

Reliable information came to them in fragmented bits and pieces and it was up to them to piece together a workable plan. They learned the Midgren base may be located in a remote area of the southern most part of Volostra. The Volostrian military planned to attack the Midgren base in two days. They had two days to find Carter.

They managed to find transport in a slow moving vehicle traveling south out of Volostra. They hoped to be near the base in the morning. They would have a day to find the base and formulate a plan to get Carter. Easy. All they could do now was wait and hope their information was accurate.

The three remaining members of SG-1 sat quietly in the rear of the transport. Each seemed lost in his own world. Teal'c attempted to kelno'reem, Daniel focused on reading a book, Jack feigned sleep, they did not fool each other. They knew. They knew what they were doing and what the consequences may be if they failed.

Daniel was tired of the silence and moved toward O'Neill. "Jack."

"Jack." He said again and lifted the hat covering his eyes.

"What." Grumpy.

"Are you awake?" He knew he was awake.

"No."

"Do you think about Sam?" Daniel asked him ignoring his previous comment.

"What?"

"I've really been thinking about her a lot lately. What happened to her? Is she alright. What are they are doing to her." He stopped and stared off as if he were trying to imagine the answers to his own questions.

"I think about her everyday." Jack softly replied.

"One of us should have gone with her that day."

"Yeah."

"Do you think she is still alive?"

She may not be alive. He hoped she was. "We're bringing her home, Daniel."

*******************

She had not moved from the spot where she had been dumped in her cell days, hours before. She did not know, time was not longer a factor. She was barely cognizant of her surroundings when the guards entered her cell and dragged her by her arms down the corridor back to the room where Reynarc waited. Her arms were bound again behind her back and the rope attached. She heard Reynarc signal for the guards to begin and could feel the tension increase.

As the rope tightened and the pressure increased, she felt the muscles of her shoulders slowly tearing away and then heard a sickening crack when the bones tore out of their joints. She screamed. The pain was finally too much or she had just given up. It did not matter. She could not suppress the agony any longer.

Reynarc stood by smiling watching her finally break. He moved to stand in front of her as listened to the tormented screams that tore from her..

'_So that's it? You're giving up?' _She heard the voices resonating in her mind. _'You're giving up?' _

'_I won, Samantha. I won, I won, I won…'_

He approached her when the screams gradually subsided into quiet whimpers. "Samantha," He said tenderly tracing her check with his finger following the trail of tears she could no longer hold back. "Are you ready to talk now?"

She stilled at his touch and weakly nodded her head which hung limply against her chest. Reynarc beamed in triumph at her acknowledgment. With effort, she opened hers eyes and lifted her head toward him. Reynarc looked on in anticipation.

"Go…to…hell…" The words were quiet and filled with pain yet her eyes were intense and filled with hate.

His smile faded. His facial features turned from intense satisfaction to profound rage. "How dare you!" he roared backhanding Carter across the face. Her head whipped sideways at the assault. He grabbed her face forcefully and screamed at her again. "Do you think you are stronger than me, Samantha?"

She felt a surge of adrenaline course through her body. Her words had infuriated him. She looked at Reynarc and smiled weakly. "I…win…"

Reynarc looked at her. "Do you want to play games with me, Samantha?" he said withdrawing a knife that hung by his side. He placed the knife against her cheek and lightly moved it down toward her neck. "If you are not going to tell me what I want to know, Samantha, then I really have no more use for you." He stated while the knife traced the curves of her body. "If I do not have any more use for you, well…" He paused, "well, I suppose you will die today." He plunged the knife into her left shoulder.

Carter screamed again when the knife tore into her shoulder, already ripped apart from the pull of the ropes. Reynarc pushed the knife in and held it momentarily while staring into her eyes. "But not before I wipe the smile from your face." He withdrew the knife and plunged it into her right leg. She tried to move away, to kick out at him. He laughed at her anguished screams. "I must say, Samantha," he stated as he removed the knife from her leg and wiped the blood coated blade against her ragged garment, "it has been a pleasure." Reynarc leaned in and kissed her lightly on the cheek and drove the knife into her stomach. "Finish her." He barked to the guards and left the room.

* * *

**Grrrrrrr. Cliffhanger. I know. Let me know what you think about this chapter and I may go ahead and post Chapter 5 early. Thanks again for reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I posted this chapter a little earlier than I originally intended but I'm hoping it answers some of your burning questions. Also I do not have a beta so all mistakes are mine alone.**

* * *

**Chapter 5:**

A flash of light illuminated the blackness of the night. The sound of an explosion in the distance shortly followed. O'Neill had fallen asleep when the noise awoke him. He knew immediately what had happened. They were too late. The Volostrians had started bombing the Midgren base a day early. Damn crappy intel.

O'Neill moved toward Teal'c who was peering out of the back of the transport. "See anything?"

"I believe the Volostrians are attempting to destroy the Midgren facility."

Another flash of light and explosion followed. The transport stopped suddenly slamming SG-1 against the rear of the vehicle. They heard frantic shouts from the driver who started to turn the vehicle around.

"Um, guys…" Daniel pointed toward the changing scenery.

O'Neill also noticed the change in direction. "Okay, apparently this is where we're getting off. Let's move."

"Teal'c, do you have any idea how close we are…" The statement was cut short by another far off explosion.

"I do not, O'Neill. I believe it will take many hours walking, a day at most"

"Can you get us there?"

"I can."

O'Neill turned to Daniel looking him in the eyes. "Daniel, I want you to catch up with that transport and head back to Volostra and the gate. Let Hammond know the situation and request SG backup and a medical team."

Daniel did not move and stared intently at O'Neill. "Jack." He said in the way when he wanted to talk about something he knew O'Neill did not. O'Neill did not respond and continued the staring contest between the two men. "Jack." Daniel said again.

"What?"

"It wasn't supposed to be today."

"I know, Daniel." He spat, irritated at Daniel's observation of the obvious. "Look, why don't I call up Hvasy and tell him to stop shooting up the base for a while so we can find Carter."

"I'm just saying…"

"I know."

"Just go, Daniel. Stay in radio contact as long as you can and get back with help as soon as you can."

Daniel nodded his understanding and headed off to catch up with transport.

"Alright, T, follow the yellow pulse cannon road." O'Neill announced. Teal'c took point and started in the direction, O'Neill hoped, lead toward the base.

*******************

The guards beat Carter after Reynarc left. She screamed again when they cut her down. She fell hard to the floor landing on her right shoulder. Agonizing pain burned throughout her body. They used their weapons, their fists, and their boots to dole out their own kind of cruel punishment. She tried to protect herself but her body refused to comply with her demands.

A loud explosion suddenly rocked the building momentarily distracting the guards from their task. She began to feel blackness envelope her. Another explosion hit the building alarms sounded, voices echoed in the corridor.

She heard the door open.

Another blast.

Blackness.

*******************

_O'Neill spent a great amount of time watching Carter lose her battle against consciousness. Sometimes she was able to turn off the recorder before she passed out. Most times she would not. Her lucid moments were growing shorter. She was beginning to cough blood. He knew her time was growing short._

_In one of her more coherent periods she talked directly to SG-1. "Daniel, sorry about your camera. No sightseeing." She tried to laugh which only caused her to cough up more blood. "Teal'c, I will always cherish your friendship." Another cough, more blood. "Tell my dad that I love him." _

_She stopped talking and gasped for breath grimacing with the effort and pain it caused her. She looked at the camera again and continued. "Colonel I'm sorry. I wish…" The camera cut to black._

"_How's that for timing?" Daniel said from the doorway to the briefing room. _

_O'Neill leaned back in his chair. He was mentally and emotionally drained. He had spent the last two hours watching Carter dying in front of him. _

"_I wonder what Sam was going to say?" Daniel pondered out loud._

_He had some idea what she was going to say what he wanted her to say. "I don't know." He responded instead. "She probably wished she could have kicked my ass for all the times…" He really could not think of anything funny or sarcastic to say. "I don't know." _

"_What do you think happened to her? I mean she only got out bits and pieces on the tape. Most of it didn't really make any sense."_

"_Hell, Daniel. She went through hell." He said quietly. _

*******************

Everything hurt. She knew she was not dead. Death could not hurt this much.

Truth, she should be dead.

It was quiet, too quiet. The bombing had stopped. The door to her torture chamber was open. She had to move, she was not going to die like this, bloody and broken in this damn hell hole. She took a mental evaluation of her battered body before trying to move, mangled left shoulder with stab wound, right leg stab wound, abdominal stab wound, probable cracked ribs, and head wound check, check, check, check, and check. Her right shoulder was also in bad shape but the bone had popped back in place when the guards cut her down. Check. All in all, not good.

She screamed when she tried to move. She could not stop the bile that rose from her stomach and vomited. When the convulsing and dry heaving subsided, she tried again. She placed her feet on the floor and attempted to push herself toward a wall. She screamed the whole way. When her head hit solid surface, she felt as if she had run a marathon. She was breathing hard, sweating, bleeding. A trail of blood marked her path.

She passed out again. When she awoke, she managed somehow to push herself into a sitting position and eventually standing. She was leaning heavily against the wall fighting to stay upright against the waves of dizziness working to bring her down. She took one baby step forward and then another and made her way inch by inch, agonizing step by agonizing step out the door. The corridor was eerily silent; there were no signs of life only evidence of death and destruction; fallen debris, concrete, dead bodies.

Carter turned right out of the door only because she could use her right arm, albeit very limitedly, and the wall for support and began to slowly make her way down the corridor. She tried to open each door she came to. There had to be a way out of here. Each one she opened only exposed more rooms for persecution or interrogation, more dead bodies, and her own growing feeling of hopelessness.

She was going to have to stop soon. The exertion of actually moving her body had taken its toll and Carter knew she was going to collapse. She came to a last door before the corridor made a right turn. It was a morose scene. The room was a storage area. Personal effects she assumed of the prisoners, clothes, shoes, coats, lined the walls and were scattered haphazardly about the floor. How many people were here? How many were tortured? How many lives lost?

Carter wanted to leave the room, wanted to leave the ghosts of this hell hole in peace but her body was screaming for her to stay. Reluctantly she had to stop here. She limped slowly into the room to hide herself incase there were any guards lurking around although she suspected she would be easy to find considering she was leaving a trail of blood as she walked.

Deciding to head for a secluded area surrounded by a group of stacked crates, Carter spied a familiar black mound on a nearby crate. Her tactical vest and field pack had been discarded amongst the other personal effects. A spark of hope surged through her body. She pushed through the growing pain and managed to make her way, she feared, to her last hope of survival. Leaning heavily against the crate she found her gear had been ransacked, no radio, no medical supplies, no weapons, no food, nothing of use except inexplicably, Daniel's camcorder. The spark of hope which had been moving her forward quickly diminished. Finally giving in to the pain and exhaustion, she slides clumsily to the floor pulling her gear with her. Too tired to fight any longer, Carter dragged her gear into her lap and cradled it protectively against her body and closed her eyes.

*******************

They traveled in uncomfortable silence. The yellow arc of the Volostrian pulse cannon continued to light the night sky. The far off sounds of explosions were the only noises. With O'Neill following Teal'c set a relentless pace. They had been walking almost running for hours. O'Neill's knees were aching more and more with each step he took, yet he did not ask Teal'c to stop. They could not stop. Carter's rescue her very survival was in their hands.

With the first morning light, the bombing stopped as did Teal'c. O'Neill stopped and looked at Teal'c questioningly.

"Teal'c?"

"The bombing has subsided, O'Neill." Teal'c stated matter-of-factly.

"I noticed. How far away do you think we are?"

"Several hours."

"Damn," he said while drinking some water from his canteen.

"Are you not well, O'Neill?"

"Oh, you know, the knees are not the same as they used to be." He said leaning forward and massaging one of his knees.

"You are worried about Major Carter." It was a statement not a question.

"You're not?" O'Neill asked deflecting Teal'c not so subtle accusation.

"Indeed. I have been most disturbed since Major Carter was taken."

"It's been six months, Teal'c." He stated flashing back to when he was a POW during the Gulf War.

"You do not think Major Carter is still alive." Another statement.

"Yes…no…I mean yes, I think she's alive. I want to believe she's alive." O'Neill stated while taking his cap off and rubbing his hand through his graying hair. "All I know, T, is when I was…" He paused reflecting again to Iraq. "They did some horrible things to me."

"You do not think Major Carter is strong enough to survive."

"God, no. She's one of the strongest people I've ever met. I'm just not sure…" He paused again. "I wanted to die so many times, just end it, end the torture, the suffering."

Teal'c bowed his head in understanding.

O'Neill changed the subject. "Let's get going. The Midgren base is not going to get any closer if we stand here chatting all day."

*******************

_It was dark; she could not see where she was. She must be back in her cell. The guards had found her. She could feel her heart rate increase at the thought of what was to come when Reynarc sent for her again._

_"Samantha…"she heard his voice in the darkness._

_Slowly the darkness began to fade and she began to realize she was not in her cell, she was already bound and hanging. Reynarc was standing in front of her with his knife, smiling. He stepped forward and kissed her lightly on the cheek and plunged the knife into her stomach._

_She screamed…_

Carter awoke abruptly from the sound of her screams which she realized were real and not a dream. Disoriented, she looked around and slowly remembered where she was, the prison, hiding in a storage room. She tried to move and just as quickly abandoned her efforts, there was too much pain.

She looked down; she was covered in blood, too much blood. She was still holding her gear against her body as if it were her only connection left to Earth, the SGC, SG-1, her life.

Carter understood at that moment that she was not going to be able to make it out of the building. She was going to die in this hell hole. Dammit, this was not how it was supposed to end. Her last moments were going to be spent huddled in a storage room bleeding to death too weak to move hiding from an enemy she knew nothing about. Hiding from a man who was intent on torturing her to death for information she could not give him. Dammit.

She suddenly remembered Daniel's camcorder. As much as she did not want anyone to see her like this, bloodied, battered, weak, it was something, whether or not any one ever saw it, at least it was something.

Carter dug the camcorder out of her pack. She checked to make sure there was a tape and the batteries were working and painfully maneuvered to the nearest container. Placing the camcorder on the container she pressed the button to record. After a few more minor adjustments, she turned the light on and fell back against the wall and began to speak.

"My name in Samantha Carter, Major, U.S. Air Force, member of SG-1. I am dying."

* * *

I** know, another cliffhanger. Chapter 6 to be posted soon. Please let me know what you think of the story so far. Thanks again for reading.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I hope this chapter answers a lot of the burning questions concerning Sam and SG-1. As always I welcome your comments. Thanks for your continued reading.**

* * *

**Chapter 6:**

"_So, um, are you ready to go up?" Daniel asked hesitantly to O'Neill who sat silently with his back to Daniel still rooted in the chair staring at the blank screen. _

"_Do I really have a choice?" He asked dejectedly._

"_No." _

"_We failed her, Daniel. I'm not sure…"_

"_Jack..." _

"_Not today, Daniel, I'm not in the mood. Just give me a few minutes."_

***************

O'Neill was not sure how Teal'c did it, but he led them to the Midgren base or what was left of it. The Volostrians had succeeded, death and destruction abound. The facility was pockmarked with blasts from the pulse cannon. Some sections of the building were totally destroyed, others looked untouched. Smoke billowed from various fires. Bodies lay strewn about.

With a sense of foreboding, they split up and began searching amongst the dead and wounded. There was no sign of Carter.

"Teal'c, come in." O'Neill radioed after he was satisfied and relieved that Carter was not among the casualties.

"O'Neill."

"Any sign of Carter?"

"None."

"Meet me around front in five minutes and we'll head inside."

They entered the building through a collapsed section of wall. The base was like a labyrinth with corridors seeming to branch off every few feet. Their decision where to search, however, was simple. Many of the corridors were impassable from fallen debris. O'Neill halted his progress gazing down one of the blocked corridors; his stomach knotted at the thought of Carter trapped somewhere is the building.

Teal'c immediately recognized the change in O'Neill's demeanor seeing the worry and fear creep into his features. "O'Neill." He stated trying to refocus his friend. "Would it not be wise to search the facility separately for Major Carter?"

O'Neill barely registered Teal'c's words. "What?" He asked looking at Teal'c still distracted. "Oh, yeah. Split up."

"I will proceed down this corridor." Teal'c said pointing his staff weapon toward a clear corridor on his right.

"Right. No left. I'll take the left." O'Neill stated diverting his attention back to the search. "Stay in radio contact."

Teal'c bowed his head in acknowledgement and started down the corridor.

"Teal'c." O'Neill called out. Teal'c stopped and turned toward him. "Be careful."

Teal'c bowed his head again.

"Teal'c." O'Neill called out once more. "Radio me immediately if you find any sign of Carter. I mean any sign."

"Indeed."

He was frustrated. He wanted to punch something, anything, anyone. He and Teal'c searched the building, door after door, empty room after empty room, nothing. No sign of Carter. Had the intel they obtained been wrong? Had the Volostrians destroyed the wrong building? Killed the wrong innocent people?

O'Neill opened the next door he came to. Weapon ready. Senses on alert. It was a darkened stairwell leading down. A cliché but promising.

"Teal'c" he quickly radioed his discovery.

"O'Neill."

"I've found some stairs leading down to another level."

"Do you require my assistance?"

"Not right now. I'll radio if I need you."

"Acknowledged."

O'Neill entered the stairwell and headed down. He knew what he would find in the bowels of the facility. The prison area, because the bad guys always put the dungeons in the basement, greeted him as he exited the stairwell.

"Teal'c." He radioed again.

"O'Neill."

"I've found something."

"I am on my way."

He started walking slowly, cautiously down the darkened corridor lined on both sides by heavy metal doors. It was unnaturally quiet. His breathing seemed as though it echoed through the empty passageway. He tightened his grip on his weapon in anticipation.

"O'Neill." Teal'c's voice boomed behind him.

Startled, O'Neill turned around quickly weapon aimed at Teal'c. "Teal'c." He said relaxing at the sight of his friend. "Next time try to be a little quieter when you sneak up on someone."

"I did not attempt to sneak up on you, O'Neill."

"It was a joke."

Teal'c raised his eyebrow in reply.

"Never mind." O'Neill raised his arms motioning to both sides of the hallway. "Welcome to the dungeon."

The search of lower level revealed vastly different results than the upper level. Door after door opened to dead prisoners, torture chambers, interrogation rooms. Dead guards lined the corridors from fallen debris. O'Neill became more desperate with each grisly scene a new room revealed.

Imagining what Carter might have gone through consumed his thoughts so much so that he almost did not notice the bloody handprints on the wall in front of him. He stared at the prints which seemed to start at the door facing him and proceed down the corridor. He then noticed the bloody foot prints following the same path. He pointed the beam of his flash light into the dark room, another torture chamber. A large beam stretched across the room where a rope hung. More rope lay on the floor beside a pool of blood. He focused his light on the floor and followed a trail of blood to the wall. Bloody prints lined the wall and floor and lead out of the room.

O'Neill's heart rate increased. Someone had recently made it out of this room. He began following the prints as if they were a trail of breadcrumbs. Each door he came to was ajar with a blood smeared handprint on the handle as if the person was looking for something. He followed the seemingly endless hallway. Room after room, the memories of the last time he saw Carter flooded his thoughts. She was so excited to have the chance to study the pulse cannon, he was happy for her.

"Yes, well, off you go to do what ever it is that you do while we guys have all the fun."

At the end of the corridor, the trail abruptly ended, much like the last communication he had with her.

"Colonel O'Neill, come in. The weapons facility is under attack. I repeat we are under attack."

"_Carter, this is O'Neill, respond."_

"_Carter, come in. What the hell is happening?"_

"_Dammit, Major, report!"_

His heart rate was now racing, his breathing heavy with anticipation. The handle to the door in front of him was bloodied but closed. O'Neill inhaled deeply and slowly opened the door. The room was dark like the others. He moved his light around the room. It was a storage area filled with clothes, shoes, bags, remnants of the dead. He aimed the light on the floor and tracked the blood to the rear of the room which ended near a group of wooden crates. Sitting on top of a smaller crate positioned in front the larger group was a camcorder. O'Neill knew he had found Carter.

He ran toward the crates calling out her name. "Carter." She was leaning slumped against the wall her head resting on one of the crates. He pushed the crate nearest him out of the way and dropped to his knees. "Carter." He said again with more urgency while feeling for a pulse.

"Come on, Carter." He waited for her to respond, to open her eyes, waited to hear her say, 'sir.' "Don't you give up on me, Major." He said in his best Colonel voice. "Please don't give up on me, Sam." He said again barely louder than a whisper.

Without taking his eyes off of Carter, he fumbled for his radio. "Teal'c, respond."

"O'Neill."

"I found Carter."

*******************

When Janet and Daniel arrived on Volostra, Daniel somehow managed to procure a military vehicle to transport them to the Midgren base. "Minister Hvas only needed some gentle persuasion." Daniel had told her. Truth, he held his 9mm to the minister's head and threatened the SGC would retaliate against Volostra for what had been done to the Midgren. She was convinced General Hammond would have actually done it if he had known what Daniel promised.

*******************

"Do I really want to know how you managed to get a military escort to this base after the Volostrians purportedly destroyed it overnight?" Janet asked Daniel suspiciously.

"Probably not."

"Do you know if they've found Sam?"

"No. I fell out of radio contact sometime during the night. Jack and Teal'c were still trying to locate the base."

"So we don't know if they've found it or Sam?"

"No." He responded sadly. "But on the bright side, our helpful escorts definitely know where the base is. It won't be long now." He said flashing a smile.

Two hours later the speeding transport slammed to a jarring halt in the middle of the road throwing Daniel and Janet unexpectedly to the back of the vehicle.

"Déjà vu." Daniel mumbled as he picked himself off the floor. He jumped out of the transport and ran to the front. "What the hell…" He shouted but stopped when he saw Jack and Teal'c on the side of the road hovering over a form he knew was Sam.

"Jack!" He shouted.

"Where's Frasier?" O'Neill replied to Daniel's greeting.

"In the transport."

"Get her out here, now!" Jack demanded.

"Doc!"

"Janet!" They both started yelling at the same time.

Janet heard the frantic shouts of Daniel and unexpectedly, Colonel O'Neill, and knew they had found Sam. She jumped out of the transport and headed toward the shouting. O'Neill, Teal'c, and Daniel were standing protectively around the still form on the ground but parted when she arrived. She dropped to her knees and immediately began an assessment.

"Colonel," Janet asked without looking up from her task. "What can you tell me about Major Carter's condition?" She was Major Carter now, not her friend, Sam.

"Unconscious since we found her. She has stab wounds to the left shoulder, right leg, and abdomen." O'Neill replied solider like. "I tried to stop the bleeding. She's lost a lot of blood, Doc." He continued, his tough solider exterior beginning to crumble. "I, I…I wrapped her leg, but her arm. It's dislocated plus the stab wound. I didn't won't to aggravate the injury so I just secured it to her…

She cut him off. "You did fine, Colonel, what about her abdomen."

"It's bad." His only reply.

It was bad, worse than she could have imagined. Major Carter had lost an extremely large amount of blood. She was covered in sweat; her skin was pale and cool to the touch. Her pulse was weak, respiration rapid. She was in hemorrhagic shock.

"We need to get her into the transport and back to the gate ASAP." She ordered.

The transport raced back toward Volostra and the gate while Janet worked to stabilize Major Carter but she feared it would all be for naught, Major Carter, her friend, was dying. The three men of SG-1 looked on helplessly while Frasier worked tirelessly to save Carter.

"Colonel O'Neill?" Janet looked up from her patient. "Are we in radio contact with SG-3 yet?"

"Yes."

"Radio ahead and have the gate open when we arrive. Also have SG-3 contact the SGC. I want the OR prepped, six units of A positive blood, and 6 units of fresh frozen plasma ready when we arrive."

O'Neill began relaying the information when he heard and exasperated explicative from behind him. "Shit."

O'Neill turned around and saw Janet leaning over Carter. "Fight, dammit!" She yelled at her friend between breaths as she performed CPR. "One and two and three and four and five" She said out loud, pushing on Sam's chest willing her heart to beat, breathing air into Sam's lungs willing her to breathe. "Come on, Sam. One and two and three and four and five." The scene continued for five unbearable minutes. Finally Janet removed her hands from Carter's chest and leaned back.

"Doc?" O'Neill asked hesitantly when he noticed Frasier had stopped performing CPR.

******************

_After Daniel left, O'Neill continued to stare at the blank screen lost in his own thoughts and memories. He tried to remember the fragmented events of the previous twenty four hours. Finding Carter in the storage room of the destroyed Midgren base. Calling her name, waiting for her to respond. Blood. Carrying her refusing to let Teal'c help until he collapsed on the ground. Daniel arriving with Janet. The worried looks. The somber words. The gentle prodding to eat, sleep. Willing her to live. The unrelenting feeling of hopelessness. Guilt_

_He exhaled heavily and pushed himself to his feet. It was time. _

_O'Neill entered the room. He immediately recognized the group surrounding the bed Daniel, Teal'c, Janet, even General Hammond, Carter's family. He did not approach instead choosing to stay in the shadows until…until he could be alone with her. Minutes passed. The room cleared except for Daniel who remained. O'Neill appeared from the shadows and positioned himself at the end of the bed._

"_I was afraid you wouldn't come." Daniel said, sensing O'Neill's presence. "She really looks at peace compared to…" The words drifted away. _

"_Any word from the Tok'ra?" He asked ignoring Daniel's comments. _

"_They are attempting to retrieve Jacob, but it might be a few days before he arrives."_

_Sensing Jack really wanted to be alone with her, Daniel offered an excuse to leave. "I'm going to go grab some coffee. Can I get you anything?"_

"_The last six months back." He said softly._

_Daniel nodded and quietly left the room leaving O'Neill alone. He did not move from his spot at the foot of the bed. He watched her, studied the features he had missed seeing since she was taken. The blood was gone, the signs of the beatings and torture she sustained remained, but Daniel was right, she did look at peace. _

_After a few more moments, he moved hesitantly around the bed and sat down. He did not speak. He did not touch her although he wished he could. He sat blaming himself for what she went through._

_He did not know how long he sat by her side when he finally spoke. "Sam," he whispered. "You made it. I know you're tired, but I need you to fight a little longer. Don't give up. We need you." He paused and lightly touched her hand. "I need you."_

* * *

**A/N: Yea!! Sam's alive. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: **

Janet Frasier stood by the bed looking over her friend's chart and sighed heavily. To say that Sam was barely clinging to life was an understatement. She was still not sure how or why she was alive. For all intended purposes, Sam should be dead. But somehow…

"Doc" The familiar voice of Colonel O'Neill interrupted her thoughts.

"Colonel." She replied as if it were an everyday occurrence for him to be the infirmary at two o'clock in the morning. Although Daniel and Teal'c had not left Sam's side for more than a few hours since her return over 48 hours ago, the Colonel had kept his distance coming to the infirmary when he would be alone. He would stand at the foot of Sam's bed for a few minutes just looking at her, studying her. Eventually he would make his way to the chair and remain by her bed for a few unguarded hours and quietly slip out.

"How's she doing?" O'Neill asked softly as if he were afraid he was going to wake her up.

Janet did not answer immediately. "Doc?"

She closed the chart and sighed again. "She's alive."

"But…" He supplied knowing there was a but somewhere.

"She should be dead."

"But she's not."

"No, she's not."

"You're hoping Jacob gets here soon?"

"I'm hoping Jacob gets here soon. I think a Goa'uld healing device or a sarcophagus is her only chance." With the prophetic words she turned and left leaving him alone.

O'Neill stood at the foot of Carter's bed for a few minutes longer. He saw the harsh reality of what she had been through, the bandages that wrapped her wounds, the bruises that covered her body, the machines keeping her alive, and Frasier's words resonating in his head. _'She should be dead…a Goa'uld healing device or sarcophagus is her only chance.'_

"Dammit."

*******************

O'Neill knocked on General Hammond's door.

"Enter."

"General." O'Neill entered the office and stood casually by the General's desk. He did not have it in him for military protocol today.

"Colonel, what can I do for you?" He asked but knew deep down why he was here.

"Has there been any word from the Tok'ra today?" He asked but already knew the answer.

General Hammond's frown gave him his confirmation. Nothing.

"How's Major Carter?"

"Do you want the real version or the Carter's strong and she's going to pull through version?" O'Neill replied acerbically.

"Jack." Hammond said sympathetically.

"Don't." He interrupted. "I don't want to hear the good solider story, sir. Not today." The frustration in his voice was growing. "She developed a high fever overnight. Janet said she's septic, whatever that means, and may not live through the day. Her body is too weak to keep fighting."

He knew. Doctor Frasier had already updated him on the Major's condition. "I'm sorry, son, I know Major Carter means a lot to you."

_'More than you know,' _he thought. He replied with his standard, "She's a very valuable member of my team, sir." Hammond stayed silent giving O'Neill a knowing look.

"Unscheduled offworld activation." The welcomed words punctuated the uncomfortable silence.

"Finally." O'Neill muttered under his breath turning to follow the General to the control room.

As soon as Hammond stepped into the control room and before he could ask the question, Chief Master Sergeant Harriman answered. "It's the Tok'ra's IDC, sir."

"Open the iris."

Jacob Carter exited the wormhole. He wore the robes of a Goa'uld and looked tried, concern marked his features. "George. Jack." He greeted the two men.

"Jacob." Hammond replied.

"What took you so damn long?" O'Neill barked skipping the pleasantries.

Jacob shot O'Neill a stern look. "I arrived as soon as I could after the High Council contacted me. George, what's going on?"

"They didn't tell you?" Hammond asked.

"Tell me what? Where's Sam?" Jacob asked with growing unease.

"Spineless cowards." Jack spat at Jacob's lack of knowledge.

"Colonel!" Hammond countered.

"This is even more reason not to trust the Tok'ra. They knew what happened and kept him in the dark for six months and barely get him here in time before..." O'Neill cut his words short.

"Colonel! Enough!"

_"General Hammond, if I may," the voice of Selmak interrupted. "For the last eight months Jacob and I have been attempting to infiltrate Anubis' inner circle posing as a minor Goa'uld. We have not been in contact with anyone including the Tok'ra High Council for fear of security leaks. We were contacted two days ago, at great risk I might add, and told only to return to Earth immediately."_

"Convenient" O'Neill mumbled under his breath.

"George," Jacob spoke again. "Is someone going to tell me what the hell is going on or are we going to trade insults all day?"

"I'll explain on the way, there may not be much time."

*******************

They arrived in the infirmary and were met by Doctor Frasier, Daniel, and Teal'c. Jacob skipped the greetings and headed for his daughter's bed, his face a mixture of anger, fear, concern.

"General Carter?" Janet approached him hesitantly.

_"Doctor Frasier," Selmak answered. "What can you tell me of Samantha's condition?"_

"She's septic and thus far broad spectrum antibiotics have been ineffective. Even if I can determine the exact organism causing the infection, I…" She paused in her account trying to determine how to tell her father that his daughter is going to die. "Her organs are beginning to shut down. She doesn't have much time."

_"I understand, Doctor."_ Selmak acknowledged saving her from further explanation. _"I believe we will be able to help."_

"I need the healing device." Jacob interjected, taking control again. "I'll be damned if I'm going to let my little girl die."

*******************

Jacob closed his eyes and held the device. He concentrated his thoughts on healing Sam. He could feel the healing power emanating from the device as he moved it over her body. Minutes crept by unbeknownst to him while he worked to rid her body of the infection that was killing her. He moved to the wound on her abdomen repairing the carnage the knife had done to her internally. He grew weaker. The device began to falter. He opened his eyes too weak to continue.

"I'm sorry; I've done all I can for now." He said wearily to the anxious faces that hovered protectively nearby.

"But it worked, right? Sam is going be alright?" Daniel asked what everyone was thinking.

"She's alive. The infection is gone." Jacob said wearily. "There was a lot of internal damage from the knife wound to her abdomen which I repaired, but I was unable to heal the damage to her leg and shoulders."

"You did what you could, General, you saved Sam's life." Janet replied. "I think I can handle the rest."

Jacob nodded his head in acknowledgement of her words. "Selmak and I need to rest for a while." He said turning to leaving. "It will probably be a few hours before she wakes up."

O'Neill, who was standing away from the others, approached Jacob as he headed for the door to the infirmary. "Jacob."

"Jack." Jacob replied tersely.

"You ah, you did a good job back there." He said trying to ease the tension between the two men.

"She's my daughter, Jack. I wasn't going to stand by and watch her die." Stating the obvious.

"Look, I'm sorry about what happened earlier." He said quietly suddenly finding his shoes very interesting. "The…the last six months have been hard on everyone."

Jacob's mood softens at the apology. "I'm sure you did everything you could to find her."

"I really wish I could say that, Jacob. We didn't…I didn't do enough." He said apologetically, regret in his voice.

"You found her, Jack, and she's going to be okay."

"I'm not so sure about that." He said.

The seriousness of his tone worried Jacob. "What are you talking about?"

"We found a camcorder with Carter. She used it when she thought…" Jacob looked impatient waiting for O'Neill to get the words out. "She was dying, Jacob. She was practically dead when we found her."

"But she's not."

"Go watch the video. It's setup in the briefing room. You'll understand." O'Neill moved past Jacob and headed back toward Carter, leaving him to wonder what he would see.

*******************

O'Neill wanted to be here when she woke up. He did not care how inappropriate it was for a superior officer to show concern to care for a junior officer. A junior female officer. Carter. Rumors in the SGC already thought they were sleeping together. Might as well feed the fire.

Daniel and Teal'c also remained by her beside, together, the three men, SG-1, waited and watched patiently for Carter to come back to them.

Minutes turned to hours. Visitors came and went; O'Neill was destroying his second box of tongue depressors; Daniel read a book while finishing his fourth cup of coffee, Teal'c stood stoically at the foot of the bed; Doctor Frasier hovered protectively nearby; Carter slept.

"Jack." Daniel said suddenly breaking the silence of the group.

"Daniel."

"Do you think Sam is going to be okay when she wakes up?"

"Jacob said he got rid of the infection and healed her abdomen."

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, Daniel?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't." Jack replied although he knew exactly what Daniel was asking.

"Jack, quit trying to be so…so…"

"Cat got your tongue?"

"Why do you have to act like such as ass sometimes?" He said clearly frustrated with the direction of the conversation.

"It's what I do best." He replied with a smirk.

"Jack, just answer my question."

Before O'Neill could reply, a quiet moan broke the banter between the two men. Both looked immediately toward the bed. Carter was moving her head slightly back and forth and trying to open her eyes. 'I guess we'll find out soon enough.' He thought.

Carter moaned again more loudly and opened her eyes.

"Sam." Daniel said excitedly. "Oh, God, you had us so worried."

As if on cue, Doctor Frasier approached the bed. "Sam. Can you hear me?"

Carter looked at her and nodded her head in reply. "Good. Do you know where you are?"

She did not reply. She began searching the room as if looking for someone until she spotted O'Neill standing slightly away from the bed. She looked directly at him blinking hard as if trying to bring him into focus.

"Sir?" She asked quietly, her voice hoarse from disuse.

"Carter."

"You're real?"

Although he did not understand why she was asking him this question, he answered. "In the flesh."

"Is it over?" She asked barely above a whisper.

"Yeah, Carter, it's over." He said, seeing the relief in her eyes before they closed again and she fell back, he hoped, into a dreamless sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

_It__ was dark; she could not see where she was. She must be back in her cell. The guards had found her. She could feel her heart rate increase at the thought of what was to come when Reynarc sent for her again._

"_Samantha…"she heard his voice in the darkness._

_Slowly the darkness began to fade and she began to realize she was not in her cell, she was already bound and hanging. Reynarc was standing in front of her with his knife, smiling. He stepped forward and kissed her lightly on the cheek and plunged the knife into her stomach._

She struggled to move to protect herself from him. Something was holding her down, she had to move, to get away. Pain coursed through her body. She screamed.

"Sam!" She heard her name shouted.

"It's okay." The voice said softly.

_No, it was not okay. She could not answer his questions. She did not know anything. He was going to leave her here to die._

"Sam, you're safe." The voice implored. "You're safe." The words repeated again.

She continued to fight. "No…don't know anything. Don't know. Don't…" Slowly the pain receded and she could feel herself being pulled back into the darkness.

Jacob sat by Sam's bed shocked at what he had just witnessed. He watched the video. He knew she had been through hell. He had experienced torture, yet this was different. This was Sam, his daughter, his little girl. He was her father; he was supposed to keep her safe from all the monsters that lurked in the dark.

"General, are you okay?" He heard Doctor Frasier ask.

Jacob looked up and nodded. "I gave Sam a sedative; she's going to be asleep for a few hours. Why don't you go get something to eat?"

"I have to go soon. I've been gone too long already." Jacob stated. "I wanted to be here, to talk to her, before I had to leave. Damn." He continued clearly frustrated with his situation.

"You can stay, General, but you can't save the universe if you're in the bed next to Sam." She said teasingly.

"Point taken, doctor." He conceded although he would gladly trade places with Sam to spare her what was coming.

He headed for the commissary although food was the last thing he wanted. It was just after the lunch rush, so the commissary was relatively empty. He eyed O'Neill as soon as he entered. Somehow he knew he would be here. Jacob worked his way through the line grabbing a soda and headed for O'Neill's table. He found him sitting alone poking at some blue jello.

"Jack." Jacob said as he approached the table and sat down.

"Jacob."

"You know, blue jello has always been Sam's favorite. I never understood why."

"I know." O'Neill replied shoveling a forkful into his mouth. "I hate the blue stuff. I'm more of a red man myself."

"I always told Sam she only liked the blue because it matched her eye color."

O'Neill smirked slightly at the comment and continued to stab at the gelatin. "How's she doing?" He asked quietly.

"Not so good. She just had a flashback or a nightmare. Doctor Frasier had to sedate her to keep from hurting herself more."

"I know." He had not been back to see her since she had first regained consciousness, but he knew. Jacob looked at him confused by his comment. O'Neill did not offer an explanation.

"Jack, I have to leave."

"When?" Questioning him although he was not surprised, the Tok'ra kept a tight reign on their Tauri liaison

"As soon as possible but I'm going to wait until Sam wakes up again. I need to see her, talk to her."

"Couldn't you just tell the council to shove it up their collective asses just this one time? This is your daughter were talking about."

"I know, Jack, and I would like nothing more than to stay and be here for her especially since…" O'Neill did not give him the chance to finish words, supplying what he could not say.

"Your Tok'ra buddies conveniently chose not to tell you your daughter had been missing for the past six months. Oh, and she was tortured repeatedly and lets not forget she almost died." He supplied slamming his fork on the table.

"Jack." Jacob spat, his eyes flashing white as his anger grew. "This is not about your distrust of the Tok'ra and don't you think for one minute I'm not angry about what they did. This is about Sam!" His voice bellowed throughout the commissary causing heads to turn.

"I know!" O'Neill yelled in return.

The two men stared at each other in silence for a few moments each trying to bring their emotions back in check. "Jack, I have to go. " Jacob sighed heavily clearly upset that he had to leave. "Take care of her."

*******************

It was dark; she could not see where she was. She must be back in her cell. The guards had found her. She could feel her heart rate increase at the thought of what was to come when Reynarc sent for her again.

"_Samantha…" she heard his voice in the darkness._

Jacob sat by the bed watching helplessly as Sam struggled against the demons in her nightmares.

_"Saamannthaa…"_ she heard his voice drawl her name again. _"I'm coming…"_

"No!" She jerked her eyes open and instantly tried to move away from the voice. Pain ripped through her body. She was disoriented, confused.

Jacob was immediately on his feet when Sam opened her eyes. He knew she was still in the grips of the nightmare. "Sam" he said calmly. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders to keep her from moving. "It's okay, Sam. You're safe. You're safe." He kept repeating the words until she finally started to relax.

"You're safe." She heard the words recognized the voice. It wasn't his voice. The heavy fog clouding her mind began to clear. She began to focus on the face in front of her. "Dad?" She asked almost whispering the words.

"Yeah, Sam, it's Dad." He said smiling down at her softly caressing her hair.

"What…"

"Don't try to talk, just listen."

"I watched the video. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you and I'm sorry I will not be able to stay." He could tell she was still disoriented from the effects of the sedative and the nightmare when she looked at him with a furrowed brow.

"What?" She tried to ask again.

"Ah," he said cutting her off again. "I want you to promise me one thing. Please bury that stubborn streak you inherited from yours truly and don't try to go through this alone. Please let him help you through this."

She heard the words although it seemed like a dream. "I don't understand."

"You will." He replied kissing her on the forehead. "You're going to be okay, kiddo."

"I love you, Dad." She said with heavy eyes, fighting the pull of sleep.

"I love you too." He watched her drift back to sleep silently cursing the Tok'ra for their secrecy, the Volostrians for their ineptitude, the Midgren for their cruelty, himself for failing her as a father. "I love you, Sam." He whispered again into her ear and gently kissed her on the cheek. With a heavy heart, he quietly left the infirmary.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Yea! A new chapter. I try to respond personally to as many reviews as I can. If I missed you, here's a big THANK YOU for reading. I am not a writer and do not claim to be. This story is not under the care of a beta so any grammatical errors, spelling error, so forth and so on are mine. With all this said, I hope you enjoy Chapter 9.**

**Warning: A few bad words in this chapter**

**

* * *

  
**

** Chapter 9:**

_"Samantha"_

She awoke suddenly when she heard him calling her name. It was dark. She had to get out. She was not going to let him find her. Ripping out lines and needles, fighting the pain radiating through her body, she slipped out of the room.

_"Samantha, I will let you go if you tell me about the weapon."_

_'Why did he keep asking her about the weapon? She didn't know anything. She never knew anything. Why didn't he understand?'_

The corridors twisted and turned yet somehow she knew the way. Guards patrolled the area. _'They were looking for her.' _She needed a weapon. She turned another corner and ran into a guard falling to the floor.

"Major Carter?" The SF asked surprised to find her wandering the SGC in the middle of the night. "Are you alright?"

"I don't know anything." She said frantically trying to push herself away from the guard.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Major." He said as he reached down to help her off the floor.

"No…" She took her right foot and kicked him hard in the groin. The SF dropped to the floor groaning in pain. She quickly scrambled to her feet and grabbed the guard's weapon shooting him before he could get up.

O'Neill quietly entered Carter's room. He knew she was having nightmares and flashbacks and wanted to be here incase… He wanted to be here for her. The room was dark but he saw immediately that her bed was empty and her IV line had been removed. "Shit." He ran out of the room and hit the base alarm.

She jumped when the alarms started. Her heart rate increased. _'They knew.'_

O'Neill phoned the control room informing them of Major Carter's disappearance. He was worried.

"Sir" The airman on the phone was saying. "There has been a report of shots fired near your location on Level 21."

'Shit. This is not good. Carter, what the hell are you doing?' He thought to himself heading toward the location where the weapons fire was reported. He found an unconscious SF on the floor bleeding from a bullet wound to the leg. O'Neill grabbed the SFs radio and reported the situation.

"This is Colonel O'Neill. I need a medical team to Level 21. Be on the lookout for Major Carter. Do not. I repeat, do not attempt to apprehend her. She may be armed." He needed to find Carter before some trigger happy SF got to her first or worse, she shot someone else. _'Shit.'_

She approached the end of the corridor. 'They were going to find her soon. She did not know anything.'

"Halt, Major." A guard shouted, weapon drawn.

She turned to head in the opposite direction but encountered two more guards. She aimed her weapon ready to fire. She was not going to die in this hell hole.

"Major Carter, lower your weapon." The guard ordered.

"No. I'm not going back in there. I don't know anything." She shouted and moved against the wall for support. "Don't make me hurt you." The weapon was heavy and shook in her left hand.

"Major, we will shoot if you do not lower your weapon."

_"Samantha"_ He called out to her.

"No! Leave me alone!"

"Stand down!" O'Neill shouted running toward the SFs their weapons still aimed at her. "Stand down, that is an order." He shouted again.

"Carter." He said calmly. He did not approach her not yet. "Carter, put down the weapon."

"Colonel?" She asked. 'He had come for her.' She was suddenly very tired. The adrenaline that propelled her was quickly leaving her body.

"Stand down, Major." He replied stepping closer to her; his arms held in a non-threatening position.

"I didn't say anything, sir."

"I know you didn't." He said taking a few more steps closer.

"I can't go back in there."

"I won't let them take you." He was almost within arms length.

"I'm tired of fighting, sir."

"It's okay, Carter, you can rest now. You made it." He carefully reached out and took the weapon from her hand and held her as she slide down the wall. He sat with her while the sedative Doctor Frasier gave her took effect and then carried her back to her room.

He stood outside her door and watched as the medical staff reattached and reinserted lines and IVs, reapplied bandages, and checked vitals. Frasier exited the room looking as tired and worn as he felt.

She answered before he could get the question out. "She's fine, Colonel." The relief in his features was evident. "She popped some of the stitches on her leg and probably did some more damage to her shoulder. Just more for the surgeon to repair when she has surgery." She paused and looked back in the room and the staff still working on her and then back to O'Neill. "General Hammond has ordered Sam placed in restraints."

"What?" He could not believe what he just heard. "You can't be serious. Hasn't she been through enough in the last six months?"

"Colonel, she shot an SF."

"If you do this, we're no better than the wackos that took her in the first place." He knew he was right and could tell by Frasier's reaction that she agreed but at the moment, it was out of their control. Shit.

*******************

He waited by Carter's bed for three hours, waited for her to wake up. He wanted to be there, to reassure her that she was safe despite the fact that she was restrained. He had to remind himself that they were the good guys.

She began to stir and struggle slightly no doubt suffering through another nightmare. She screamed suddenly and opened her eyes. She tried to move fighting against the restraints. He could see the fear in her eyes.

"Easy, Carter." He tried to calm her and gently placed his hands on her injured shoulders. "I'm not going to hurt you, but you've got to relax." He felt foolish telling her to relax. How could she relax, feel at ease when all that she has probably know for the past six months is fear, pain, isolation, hopelessness?

Doctor Frasier rushed in alerted by the alarming machines ready to sedate her again.

He could see the pain in her features as she pulled at the leather straps holding her down.

"Screw it." He said unable to watch Carter struggle any longer. "Major Carter!" He yelled in his best colonel voice while unfastening the restraints. Frasier stopped at his outburst and questioned his current actions with a sharp look. O'Neill put up a finger to quiet the questions he knew were coming. "Trust me." He mouthed.

Carter turned her head toward his voice visibly relaxing when she saw him. "Sir?"

He did not know what to say. 'Welcome back, we missed you. Sorry it took us six months to get off our asses and find you. Sorry we didn't have your back. Sorry we left you behind. Sorry I wasn't there for you. Sorry…Just sorry.' He replied simply. "Carter."

"Where am I?" She asked moving her head around trying to focus and clear her mind.

He was not surprised that she was disoriented. She had not been conscious for more than a few minutes since coming back, coherent one minute trying to shoot up the SGC the next. He understood.

"You're home. Back at the SGC."

"Home" She repeated as if she did not fully comprehend what he said. Memories flashed through her mind, fragmented images of darkness, pain, torture, blood, dying, him. "What happened?"

"Sam." Doctor Frasier interrupted trying to distract her friend from the painful memories.

"Janet?"

"Hey, Sam." Janet replied smiling. "How are you feeling?"

She did not respond looking at Janet and then Colonel O'Neill.

'How did she feel?'

"I don't know." She replied honestly.

*******************

Five days and two shoulder surgeries later, Carter officially debriefed General Hammond and SG-1 about what happened on P4X-532. O'Neill knew she did not disclose everything. Some things you do not want to relive.

She was getting better, physically. She said that she was fine. She was always fine. She took her medicine like a good patient; ate her food; smiled when she was supposed to, spoke when spoken to. She was the picture of mental stability. She was not fooling anyone. At least she was not fooling him.

No one noticed she always wanted the lights on and her door open at night or that she did not sleep because the nightmares would torment her. No one noticed that she really did not talk unless she had to perform for Janet, Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond, Doctor McKenzie. It was all an act. She was not fooling him.

He sat by her bed at night when she could no longer keep her eyes open and watched her. He knew. He knew the internal battle she was fighting. If she left the lights on, if she did not sleep, the demons of her nightmare, the memories she did not want to remember would not haunt her. She was losing the war and all he could do was stand by a hapless spectator.

*******************

It was inevitable. They would not be able to stay out of the mission rotation forever. General Hammond was sending SG-1 on a five day reconnaissance mission to some backwater planet O'Neill felt for sure was like all the other uninhabited backwater planets they visited, full of trees and rocks and nothing interesting.

He walked into her room. She was sitting in bed staring blankly at a spot on the far wall no doubt her thoughts light years away. He watched her for a few unguarded moments. She was still suffering the physical effects of what happened to her. The bruises on her face were still there having faded to a sickly yellow instead of the angry purple when she was found. She could finally see out of her left eye again although she still sported a nice shiner. Both arms were in slings from recent surgery, her wrists and ankles were permanently scarred.

"Colonel." He heard her say his name.

"Carter." He said quickly afraid she caught him staring. "How ya' doing today?"

"I'm fine, sir."

"Look, I just wanted to stop by before…"

"Before you leave. Daniel told me General Hammond is putting SG-1 back on the mission rotation."

"You heard?"

"I heard. Five days." He heard the sadness in her voice.

"Five days of trees, rocks, and nothing to do. With my luck Daniel will find the meaning of life inscribed on one of his rocks and we will be stuck there longer." He supplied trying to lighten the somber mood in the room.

"Don't forget your yo-yo, sir."

"So, Carter, any chance you'll be getting rid of those slings any time soon?"

"The left one in a couple of days. Aside from the dislocation, there was no significant damage."

"That's great. Left handed arm wrestling when I get back. I'll have to practice with Teal'c so you don't make me look too bad."

"It's a date, sir." She said smiling slightly at her sort of faux pas.

He smiled. This seemed so right. The two of them just talking like everything was normal like the last six months never happened. He was kidding himself and so was she.

"Sooo. I guess I should go." He did not move. Carter looked at him but she did not say anything. "Carter."

"Sir?"

"Um…Look, um…" God, why did it have to be so hard? "Carter you know that I really suck at the touchy feely stuff. This is more Daniel's territory, but I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you, sir, but I really am fine."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

"Welcome home, SG-1" General Hammond greeted his flagship team as they stepped out of the wormhole. "How did it go?"

"Oh, you know, General, same 'ol same 'ol, we came we saw a bunch of trees, Daniel had allergies, we met some natives who weren't supposed to be there and then they tried to kill us. Nothing new."

Hammond looked at Colonel O'Neill skeptically. "Debrief in one hour. Dismissed" He could not wait to hear this one.

"Jack, you coming?" Daniel asked as Teal'c and he headed toward the locker rooms for a much needed shower.

"I'll catch up with you later. I'm going to check on Carter." He tried to act nonchalantly about his true purpose for checking in on Carter. "I owe her an arm wrestling match." He was worried about her.

O'Neill walked into the infirmary and headed straight for her room. It was empty. He began to get that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach; the one he got when everything had gone to hell. He had to find Frasier.

Frasier saw him before he saw her. "Colonel, welcome back. Are you here for your post-mission already?"

"Doc, where's Carter? I just left her room and it's empty."

"I released her three days ago. She's at home."

"Released her? Home? Alone?" The sinking feeling in his stomach dropped a little further.

"Yes, Colonel, home. She's made remarkable progress. I really had no reason to keep her any longer." She could see the worry on his face. "Don't worry, sir, I went with her to get her settled. She's fine."

"Fine? You can't be serious? Carter is not fine." Everyone in the SGC had gone nuts in the last five days. How could anyone think…she was not fine.

"Colonel, Doctor McKenzie's official diagnosis was that she was suffering from PTSD and that it is not and would not interfere with her daily functions and I agreed." McKenzie. He should have known.

"McKenzie's an idiot and no offense, Doc, you are too if you believe for one minute that Carter is okay." He had all the respect in the world for Frasier. He had lost count of the number of times she had patched him up. This time she was so off the mark. He knew. He understood. "Dammit"

"When was the last time you spoke with her?"

"Colonel." She said slightly exasperated with his actions.

"Doc, humor me."

"I called Sam the next morning."

"Did you talk to her?"

"Yes, she sounded a little tired, but she said that I had woken her up."

"Two days ago. You haven't spoken to her in two days?" That sinking feeling was now a giant hole threatening to swallow him from the inside.

"No, I've been stuck here. SG-11 came back under heavy fire. There were injuries. Doctor Warner was unavailable…"

He turned and left without giving Frasier the opportunity to finish.

*******************

She had been in the infirmary for two weeks under the scrutiny of Janet, the over-protection of Daniel and Teal'c, the gawking of the base personnel like she was a zoo animal on display, the incessant questions of Doctor McKenzie. '_How are you feeling today?' 'How did it make you feel when he interrogated you, when he locked you up, when he stabbed you and left you for dead?'_ She was fine. Colonel O'Neill. He seemed to be the only one. The only one who did not treat her like someone to watch, protect, stare at, or question. He would visit and just talk. Treat her like she was normal.

She was happy to be home, really home, her house, her belongings, her life. After some not so subtle hinting and a lot of pleading, Janet finally agreed to release her from the infirmary. Of course Janet had to come and help her get settled, make sure she had all her medication, help her restock her refrigerator, mother her. All she really wanted was for her to leave. She really was fine.

*******************

O'Neill left the base without telling anyone where he was going. By now, General Hammond, was probably fuming and threatening to bust him back to airman. He would explain later. The twenty minute drive to Carter's house took forty minutes thanks to a fender bender that backed up traffic and hitting every red light in Colorado Springs. He tried calling her house, multiple times. Busy signal. He hoped she was talking on the phone to a friend, he doubted it.

It was early evening when he arrived. Carter's quiet neighborhood was just beginning to come alive with the welcoming glow of house lights as homeowners began returning home from another day at work. Her house was no different.

He exited his truck and headed for her door. He tried to look casual, relaxed while he walked up her sidewalk. He was anything but. He stopped at her door. He took a deep breath and then another trying to compose himself. He knocked and waited. A minute, two minutes passed. No answer. He knocked again and waited. "Carter." He said her name hoping she would realize who it was and open the door. "Open the door, Carter. It's me, O'Neill." He added O'Neill just incase she didn't recognize his voice through the door. After five more minutes, he took the house key Carter had given him for emergencies and opened her door.

He was not ready for what greeted him. The house was ransacked. Lamps were overturned, dishes broken, pictures shattered. The television played loudly. He instinctively withdrew his weapon and started searching for Carter. "Carter." He called out trying not to sound frantic, which he was. He searched the house. He left her bedroom for last. He knew that is where she would be. He stood in front of the door, afraid to go in. Afraid of what he would find. "Carter." He said calmly while turning the doorknob to her room. He pushed the door slowly open.

Her room, like the rest of the house, was in disarray. The bed was unmade, covers thrown on the floor. Clothes were strewn across the room. The bedside table was overturned. She was sitting huddled in the furthest corner of the room pointing a gun at him.

He held his hands up slowly. She looked as though she had not slept since coming home three days ago. Pain etched her features. She was dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Her right arm was still in a sling from her recent surgery. She looked lost, broken.

"Put the weapon down, Major."

"He will not go away, sir. He's still here."

He did not know who he was although he suspected it was the wacko from Volostra.

"I just want him to go away." She moved the weapon to her head rubbing the barrel against her temple.

"I know you do." He said lowering his hands. He put his own weapon on the bed and moved slowly toward her.

"I refused to talk. It just kept getting worse." She said moving the weapon.

"What kept getting worse?" He was beside her now. He slid down the wall and sat waiting for her to continue or not. Carter remained silent as if contemplating whether she should tell him what happened.

The weapon hung loosely in her hand. He reached over and gently took it from her. "At first." She closed her eyes as if reliving the events. "He interrogated me; beat me for not saying what he wanted to hear. He kept me shackled in the box for hours days, I really don't know. I couldn't stand. The pain…"

"Carter, you don't have to do this. I watched the video."

She looked into his eyes. "It's not all in the video." She turned away from him and focused on an unseen spot on the other side of the room.

He knew she did not tell Hammond everything that happened. Still hearing it from her was somehow unnerving. "Did they…" He could not say it.

'No. Somehow, I think that would have been easier to deal with" She took a deep breath and continued. "He started calling me Samantha. He put me in a cell with no light, sound. I don't know how long days maybe weeks. Then…then"

He ached for her. He knew how hard it was for her to relive these memories. To show weakness and vulnerability especially in front of him.

"They took me to another interrogation room. They tied my arms behind me and pulled me up. The pain was unbearable. That's when…"

"You wanted to give up."

She was quiet. "Yes." He could hear her taking deep breaths. "You kept me going wouldn't let me give up."

He did not know how to respond. The thought of seeing Sara again kept him going all those years ago. It was not inconceivable her mind chose him. He put his arm around her mindful of her shoulders. "You beat him, Sam."

She leaned into him and let out a small laugh. "That's why he stabbed me."

"Because you beat him?"

"Because it had stopped being about interrogations and answers. It was all just a sick game to him. I was hanging in that room, my shoulders had been ripped out of their joints. I was screaming because I couldn't take the pain anymore. He was so happy. He thought he had broken me. I told him to go to hell. I won."

He grinned. "I would expect nothing less."

"No, sir, he won. He's still here. Every time I close my eyes, every time I try to sleep. He's here." She said pointing to her head. "I thought…I thought once I came home…"

"He would go away."

"Yes, sir."

"But he didn't."

"He didn't."

He saw for the first time a tear slide down her cheek. It was just one tear and she quickly brushed it away, but it was a start.

"Carter. Sam." He started, realizing this was where he was supposed to say something deep and profound. Something to make it all better. He could not give her those words. "I know." He said quietly. "I understand"

"Iraq?" She asked just as quietly.

"Iraq." He sighed as if it was still too painful to remember. "Amir and Kaleem."

"Sir?"

"My torturers."

"I can't say his name."

"You don't have to."

They sat together in peaceful silence as night fell. He could feel Carter drift off to sleep probably for the first time in three days. He hoped the nightmares would stay away. He would be here if they did not. He was not going to leave her again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

She did not remember much of what happened that night only there were no nightmares. They had not gone away. They were still there. He was still there haunting her, but not that night. That night, broken in the arms of Colonel O'Neil, the nightmares stayed away. She had awoken the next morning to the smell of coffee and the noise of cooking in the kitchen. He had stayed, cooked her breakfast, salvaged what he could of her house. They talked again while she ate, not about what happened on Volostra or the previous night or as survivors of…as survivors. They talked as friends about the weather, sports, movies, politics, normal things that normal people talk about.

It had not been an easy road back to normalcy, back to sanity. It had not been easy fighting the flashbacks; waking up at night drenched in sweat from a nightmare; not sleeping with every light on in the house because the dark brought the voices, his voice; talking about her feelings with a psychologist. It had not been easy. Her family, Daniel, Teal'c, Janet, Cassie, even General Hammond had been there with their love and support, but he, Colonel O'Neill, Jack, her superior, her friend, her what? He had been with her throughout as a friend, a confidant to divulge her deepest fears, a shoulder to cry on when she finally broke down, a kindred soul.

She submitted to the required medical screenings to determine her physical health. '_In good health.'_ Janet had stated. _'No lasting physical effects from injuries.' _She noted on her report.

She endured the physiological probing of Doctor McKenzie.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Fine." She answered and he wrote.

"How did it make you feel when Reynarc interrogated you?"

"Furious, confused, helpless"

"What about when Reynarc locked you up?"

"The same." He furrowed his brow and scribbled some more.

"Are you sleeping? Are you having flashbacks or nightmares? Are you angry about what happen? Do you feel depressed? Have you had thoughts of suicide? Do you have panic attacks? Hallucinations?" The questions were endless, but she endured. _'PTSD symptoms are not severe enough to require continuous medication.' _He finally noted. '_Symptoms are not severe enough to interfere with occupation and social functioning.'_ His final diagnosis.

She was standing in front of the door feeling as if she had been sent to the Principal's office even though she had never been to the Principal's office; she knew for sure it felt like this. Her hands were sweaty, her heart racing in her chest. It had been two months, eight long weeks, eighty-seven thousand six hundred and fifty-eight minutes, five million two hundred fifty-nine thousand four hundred and eighty-seven seconds since she was brought back from six months of hell. Not that she had been keeping track. She knocked hesitantly on the door. It was over as quickly as it began.

"Enter."

She took one more deep breath, opened the door and stepped into the office. General Hammond sat behind his desk and greeted her with a smile. To her surprise, Colonel O'Neill was there as well.

"Major Carter reporting as order." She said, standing at attention in front of his desk.

"At ease, Major."

She stood at parade rest but she was anything but at ease.

"It's good to see you."

"Thank you, sir; it's good to be back." She hoped it was good to be back. This is why she was here. Her career was now in the General's hands and, of course, the recommendations of Doctor Frasier and Doctor McKenzie.

"Major, I have been looking over the reports filed by both Doctor Frasier and Doctor McKenzie." He said picking up the reports and fingering through them as if he needed one last look. "It is the recommendation of Doctors Frasier and McKenzie that…" She wanted to run out of the room before he officially ended her career. She did not think she could bear to hear the words 'unfit for duty.'

"You are cleared for duty."

"Sir?"

"Welcome back, Major."

"Thank you, sir." Shocked, happy, relived, she stole a quick glance at Colonel O'Neill who grinned but was trying to remain professional.

"There will be a mission briefing at 0800 tomorrow. Dismissed."

Colonel O'Neill caught up with her as she made her way out of the office and down the hall. "Carter."

She stopped and looked back. "Colonel?"

"Welcome back. I never had any doubt." Not giving her a chance to respond; he swiftly walked away.

Over as quickly as it began.

*******************

She arrived at 0745 for the briefing. She was excited to be back ready to start her life again. She was ready to put the events of the last eight months behind her.

At 0750 Daniel and Teal'c walked in. They smiled when they saw her.

"Hey, Sam, welcome back." Daniel said giving her a warm embrace.

"Major Carter, it is indeed good to see you back."

It was not as if they had not seen her in the two months she had been back, but she understood. She was back here at the SGC part of SG-1 again.

"Thanks guys." Her response was simple but heartfelt.

"So does anyone know what this briefing is all about?" Daniel asked while taking a sip of his coffee.

"I do not."

"Don't look at me; I haven't been here in eight months." She smiled. It surprised her that she could joke about the last few months.

"Mornin' campers." O'Neill said plopping down in a seat next to her. "Carter."

"Sir." At that moment, everything felt so normal so right. The last eight months seemed surreal as if she had just woken from an eight month long nightmare.

"Anybody know what this briefing is all about?"

"Good morning, SG-1." General Hammond greeted the team as he walked into the briefing room. "At ease." He quickly said before O'Neill and Carter could come to attention. He sat at the head of the table and began passing out briefing folders. Skipping more pleasantries, he addressed the group. "The SGC was contacted two days ago by P4X-532 and requested our help."

All eyes immediately turned to Carter. Her face had quickly drained of color. She did not acknowledge the sympathetic or concerned glances from her teammates instead; she dropped her head down and was now staring intensely at her hands interlocked tightly together.

"And of course you said, no."

Hammond ignored the comment from O'Neill and continued. "Minister Hvas has requested our help in brokering a peace agreement."

"With whom?" Daniel asked,

"The Midgren."

"You did say, no." O'Neill responded again raising his voice. He was quickly losing his composure.

"No, Colonel, the President has authorized me to proceed with the mediation."

"You cannot be serious?" The words exploded. "After what they did to…" he caught himself before he brought Carter into this although she was already involved. "After what they both did. Now we're going to go over there and help them make up and be friends?"

"Colonel." Hammond stated trying to remain calm. "The President thinks it is in the best interest of the SGC to participate in the negotiations."

"Our best interest? What does any of this have to do with our best interest?" As soon as the words left his mouth, he understood. "This is about that weapon. After everything that's happened, it's still all about that damn weapon." He spat the words with disgust.

"Colonel!" Hammond could hardly admonish him for his outburst because he felt the same.

"Why us, General? Why SG-1?" Daniel asked.

"They specifically requested you."

"I really don't understand. We didn't leave on the best of terms with the Volostrians."

"Let bygones be bygones." O'Neill muttered under his breath.

"Colonel, if you have something to say."

"With all due respect, sir, to hell with the fact that the Volostrians bombed the Midgren base the lives of their own people and Carter's be damned. To hell with the fact that the Midgren tortured and almost killed Carter. To hell with the fact that Daniel had to stick a gun to Hvas' head in order to find Carter. To hell with it all as long as the President gets what he wants."

"That's enough, Colonel. You've made your feelings quite clear, but the decision has been made."

General Hammond looked at Carter who had remained silent throughout the exchange. She had not raised her head and still grasped her hands so tightly they were white from the strain. "Major." He addressed her although she did not respond to his voice. "Under the circumstances, I understand if you do not accompany SG-1 to P4X-532."

After hearing General Hammond give the planet designation; she was suddenly back on Volostra, back at the Midgren prison being interrogated, tortured, shackled, beaten, stabbed. She was back in the storage room, a video camera capturing her dying confessions. He was there taunting her. He was still here haunting her. She was still living the nightmare. She knew what she had to do.

"Major Carter?"

She heard her name being called and looked up at the General. "I'm going…sir."

Daniel looked on as if in shock. Teal'c raised an eyebrow. Hammond was just as surprised to hear her agree to the mission. "Major, I don't expect you to go. It was not an order."

"Yes, sir. I know, sir, I want to go."

O'Neill was the only one who did not react. As upset as he was, he understood her motivation and inwardly cheered her on.

*******************

After the briefing Carter quickly escaped to her lab. When she entered, she closed the door hoping to ward off any visitors and rested her head against the cool metal. She was not in the mood to talk about the whys of her decision. She needed the refuge of her lab. Sitting alone amongst the quietly whirring machines, studying a piece of technology; she had always found solace here at least she did before. Turning she took a deep breath and moved to her workbench. She sat down and dropped her head into her shaking hands. She thought she was better. She was better until she heard General Hammond. Just hearing the planet designation threw her back. "Dammit."

She sat in her lab, alone lost in her own thoughts and memories until she heard a quiet knock on the door. She did not move to answer hoping who ever was there would leave. She heard the knock again followed by "Carter."

She sighed heavily and unlocked the door but did not open it. She moved back to her workbench and picked up a random instrument and pretended to study it. She heard the door open but did not lift her head to greet Colonel O'Neill instead, she continued her feigned study of whatever it was she had picked up. Colonel O'Neill walked in and much to her surprise did not speak. He moved toward her workbench. Propping himself up with his elbows; he picked up a pencil that was lying near and began twisting it in between his fingers. They remained in companionable silence, the Colonel twisting his pencil, she staring blankly at her instrument.

He put his pencil down and looked at her. "Carter." The peace was broken.

"Please don't, sir." She said looking up and meeting his stare.

"I…I just wanted to say, it's good to have you back. I'll see you in the morning." He let his gaze linger an unguarded moment longer and then pushed himself away from her desk and left the lab.

He left Carter's lab and walked slowly down the corridor. He did not have a destination in mind; he just walked. He knew more than anyone what was going through Carter's mind right now.

"Jack."

When he heard his name, he realized he had wandered down to Level 18 and had just past Daniel's lab. He tried to ignore him and kept walking. Daniel was not to be deterred.

"Jack." He called again catching up to him in the corridor.

He stopped and looked at his friend with his best 'leave me alone' look.

"Have you see Sam?" Daniel continued either oblivious to or just ignoring O'Neill's attempt at avoidance.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I was wondering. I mean she left the briefing pretty quickly after…" Daniel, not usually one lost for words, was lost for words.

"She's in her lab." O'Neill said trying to escape a conversation he was not in the mood to have.

"I should go talk to her."

"No."

"No?" Daniel looked at him confused. "Someone needs to. She just found out that her first mission back on active duty is going back to Volostra. She doesn't have to do this, Jack."

"Leave it alone, Daniel." He said clearly trying to convey that now was not the time to psychoanalyze Carter and any decisions she made.

"Is this a military thing?"

"What?"

"You know some unspoken military rule that only military people get. Be the strong soldier; don't let them perceive you're weak, oorah!"

"That's the Marines."

"What?"

"Daniel, just leave her alone."

"Jack." He said pleadingly, "Someone needs to let her know that she doesn't have to do this."

"Don't you get it? Doesn't anyone get it?" He was exasperated, frustrated, pissed that Daniel, his genius friend who could speak who knows how many languages, could communicate with alien cultures, could read him like a book, was so wrong about this.

"I guess I don't." Daniel replied quietly waiting for his friend to explain.

"Closure." O'Neill stuffed his hands deep in his pants pockets and walked away leaving Daniel in the middle of the corridor.

*******************

SG-1 stepped through the wormhole on to P4X-532 and was met by a representative of the Volostrian government. They were escorted to the same meeting room they had occupied some eight months ago when everything went to hell. SG-1 were the first to arrive followed shortly by the Volostrian contingent lead by Minister Hvas.

"Colonel O'Neill, Doctor Jackson, Teal'c," Hvas paused before acknowledging the fourth member of SG-1. He was nervous. "And Major Carter. It is good to see that you are well."

'Yeah, no thanks to you, asshole.'

"Thank you, Minister." Carter replied respectfully.

It was difficult watching Carter face down one of the people who left her for dead. O'Neill was not sure he could be so professional or polite under such awkward circumstances. Check that. He was sure he would not be so calm. It was taking every modicum of control he had not to lash out at Hvas for what he and his government did to their own people and to Carter.

"Minister Hvas," Daniel interrupted, "where are the Midgren?" He had promised General Hammond and Jack, he would do all the mediating. It was the best solution given Jack wanted to shoot everyone involved and General Hammond would probably shoot Jack if he caused an intergalactic incidence.

"The Midgren delegation…" The door to the meeting room opened and a Volostrian official announced the arrival of the Midgren delegation. "has just arrived."

Two men dressed in black military uniforms walked in followed closely by a third who was large with chiseled features, black eyes, and closely cropped hair. For the second time in as many days, Samantha Carter's face drained of color.

The doors to the meeting room shut and Minster Hvas began introductions. "May I introduce SG-1, our Tau'ri representatives, Colonel O'Neill, Doctor Jackson, Teal'c, and…"

"Samantha…" The third member of the Midgren delegation drawled out.

"And you are?" O'Neill asked trying to push back the feeling he got when a situation was about to go to hell.

"Reynarc." Carter replied.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry for leaving everyone hanging for such a long time. There are too many excuses to list for my slackness. Anyway, here is the next chapter. Enjoy and please review!**

**Warnings: Language**

**

* * *

**

_Previously_

_"The Midgren delegation…" The door to the meeting room opened and a Volostrian official announced the arrival of the Midgren delegation. "has just arrived."_

_Two men dressed in black military uniforms walked in followed closely by a third who was large with chiseled features, black eyes, and closely cropped hair. For the second time in as many days, Samantha Carter's face drained of color. _

_The doors to the meeting room shut and Minster Hvas began introductions. "May I introduce SG-1, our Tau'ri representatives, Colonel O'Neill, Doctor Jackson, Teal'c, and…"_

_"Samantha…" The third member of the Midgren delegation drawled out._

_"And you are?" O'Neill asked trying to push back the feeling he got when a situation was about to go to hell._

_"Reynarc." Carter replied._

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 12:**

"Reynarc"

Shit. He was right; it was all about to go to hell.

He knew, knew what was going to happen. Carter was going to kill Reynarc. Given the opportunity all those years ago, he would have done the same thing. Kill his torturers. End the nightmare. It would be easy; he had unwittingly given her the means. O'Neill had insisted SG-1 be allowed to keep their weapons. Minister Hvas acquiesced although he did not give him much of a choice. "Over my dead body," he said, "you screwed up, Hvas, and I'll be damned if I let it happen again." Yet, no matter how much he wanted it to happen, how much she thought she wanted it to happen; he could not let her do it.

The movement happened fast. Too fast. Feeling like an outside observer, he watched her move swiftly pass him and deftly pin Reynarc against the wall. She pushed her left arm against his throat and aimed her side arm at his head. The Midgren soliders immediately moved to protect Reynarc but were intercepted by Teal'c's staff weapon. The Volostrains cowered in a corner near the door. Minister Hvas stood on the opposite side of the Midgren near the door, mouth agape. The room was hauntingly quiet.

Minutes seemed to pass but he was sure it was only seconds when Hvas broke the silence. "Colonel O'Neill, what is the meaning of this?" He asked trying to comprehend the scene unfolding before him.

"Samantha." Reynarc drawled her name again smiling as if he was greeting an old friend.

"Shut up!"

"Colonel O'Neill?"

"Shut up, Hvas!" The words exploded from his mouth. "Daniel, get everyone out of this room, now. Hvas, you stay."

"Jack…"

O'Neill shot Daniel stern look, his features screamed "don't fuck with me right now, I'm not in the mood. "

"Just go."

He still did not want to leave. One of them should stay incase…well, just incase.

"For once, Daniel, follow an order. Go!"

Daniel recognized O'Neill's demand for what it was a personal request. This was about Sam. He nodded and quietly led the remaining members of the Volostrian and Midgren delegations out of the meeting room closing the door.

He still felt like an outside observer to the scene unfolding between Carter and her torturer. He could feel the rage emanating throughout her body

"Major Carter!" He shouted trying to gain her attention.

Reynarc continued seemingly unaffected by the impending threat of death. "I must say, Samantha, I am surprised to see you…"

"Alive." She supplied. "Sorry to disappoint." Her words dripped with vitriol.

"Ah, well. I should have finished the job myself instead of leaving it to incompetent subordinates."

"Major Carter, stand down! That is an order, Major." O'Neill barked.

"No, sir." She replied without looking at her CO.

"Major Carter." O'Neill spoke again as he tried a softer tactic to reach her. "Carter. Don't do this."

"Why?" Her steely gaze had not moved from the man she had pinned to the wall. All reason and military decorum had disappeared. All she was focused on now was killing her tormentor. "Give me one reason I shouldn't put a bullet through his fucking head?"

What could he say? He wanted to put a bullet through his head. He saw what Reynarc had done to her, what she had gone when she returned home, what she is still going through.

"Because, Carter, you're not a killer." He said as he began to move closer to her. "Do you want to throw your career, your life away for this piece of shit?" He said motioning toward Reynarc.

"Yes."

"Sam." He said softly still moving closer.

"You weren't there."

"No, I wasn't, but this is not the answer." He said sadly. He hoped he was getting through to her. This was not the calm, rational, Sam Carter he had worked with for five years. The person he saw was angry, irrational, and vengeful. God, what he would not have given to have spared her from this whole fucked up situation, to have spared her the agony she endured.

"How touching, Colonel." Reynarc interrupted. "If you must know, I had a most enjoyable time with Samantha."

"Shut. Up."

"Do you still think of me, Samantha?" He asked still smiling.

"No." She said shaking her head. "No. No."

"Sam, listen to me." He said looking at her. "He tortured you. He did unspeakable things to you. He left you for dead. And you know what? You survived. Now this wacko psychopath will have to go through the rest of his miserable life knowing you kicked his ass. You. Beat. Him. "

O'Neill could see her resolve slipping. Her hand started to shake slightly and her hard features softened. "Sam, put the weapon down."

She did not immediately comply. "Please. I'm not going to make it any order. I'm asking you as your friend." A pregnant silence followed his plead. Minister Hvas still stood rooted in the same spot near the door. His was mouth still agape. Reynarc had finally shut up and a bead of sweat had broken out along his brow. O'Neill looked at Carter. Carter finally broke her locked gaze and turned toward O'Neill and relinquished her weapon and immediately fled the room.

The door to the meeting room stood ajar yet no one moved in or out until Daniel stepped hesitantly inside.

"Jack?"

"Well done, Colonel O'Neill." Minister Hvas spoke as if Daniel breaking the silence meant everything was okay.

"Shut up, Hvas." This whole fucked up situation was ultimately his fault and he was not in the mood to play nice.

"Jack, what the hell just happened?"

He was about to respond when he noticed movement to his left. Reynarc pushed himself away from the wall and turned to walk away as if it were an everyday occurrence that he was held at gun point. O'Neill grabbed the back of Reynarc's coat and threw him roughly back against the wall. He leaned in closely. Their faces were nearly touching. "Listen, you son of a bitch."

"Jack!" Daniel shouted trying to stop his friend before he did something he would regret.

O'Neill smirked at Daniel's attempt at damage control. He glanced quickly at Daniel and just at quickly turned back to face Reynarc. He leaned in closer so that only Reynarc could hear and whispered. "You will get what's coming to you." God, he hated clichés but this one seemed apropos. As quickly as he had pinned Reynarc, he released him and moved away.

Unmoved, Reynarc pushed himself away from the wall again, straightened his jacket and smoothed back his hair. He smiled. "Was that a threat, Colonel?"

O'Neill smiled back. Smug bastard. He ignored the question and focused on Daniel and Teal'c. "Keep an eye on them." He said motioning toward the Midgren with his head as he turned away and started toward the door.

"You're not going to tell me what happened, are you?" Daniel said to his friend's retreating back. "Jack, where are you going?" Daniel was obviously frustrated at Jack's lack of explanation.

"To find Carter."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Next chapter. Enjoy!

**Warning:** Language

**Spoilers:** Very minor spoilers for In the Line of Duty, The Entity, Divide and Conquer

* * *

**Chapter 13:**

When she fled the Volostrian government building, she did not know where she was going. She just ran. She ran away from the questions, the stares, the memories, away from him.

As much as she needed wanted to come back to this god-forsaken place to face her demons, now all she wanted to do was go back to the 'gate, go home.

She arrived at the 'gate and collapsed on the steps and dropped her head in resignation of her failure. When she saw him enter the meeting room, heard his voice, she was overcome with rage, vengeance. This was her opportunity to finally end the nightmare. The Colonel's words repeated over and over. '_You're not a killer, not a killer, not a killer.' _She was a solider, dammit. She had killed before. Yet, when she stood in front of him staring into his eyes, Reynarc daring her to kill him, she could not do it. She was nothing more than a coward.

She heard the footsteps approaching the gate. She knew it was him. She knew he would come.

He did not say anything as he approached. He hated seeing her like this, lost, alone, defeated. Jacob's words echoed in his mind _'Take care of her.'_ He had failed miserably.

_'Some pair we make.'_

"Here, you forgot this." He said holding out her abandoned weapon. When she did not respond to his words, he blew out a frustrated breath and sat down beside her. "You know, Carter, this is becoming a bit of a habit."

She turned to look at her commanding officer, confused by his words. He took the look as a cue to continue. "You know, you with a weapon, me taking it away before you do something..." O'Neill paused searching for the correct word.

"Stupid." Carter finished for him.

"No, not stupid. "

"Crazy."

"Something…" He raised his hand for emphasis, "unCarter like." He smirked, obviously pleased with his answer.

She raised the corner of her mouth in an almost grin, which did not pass O'Neill's notice. He smiled to himself; the real Carter was still in there somewhere. Just as quickly though the almost grin disappeared. She sat up straight squaring her shoulders transforming back to solider Sam. "I'm sorry, sir, for my behavior."

"Already forgotten, Carter."

"No sir, I'm prepared to return to the SGC and face the repercussions of my actions."

"For cryin' out loud, Carter!" He yelled. "I am not going to bring you up on charges."

"Sir?"

"Look, Carter, if you hadn't gone after him, I probably would have or Teal'c or even Daniel. Hell, I even threaten him after you left." This time there was no almost smile. Her eyes narrowed and her expression hardened.

"I can take care of myself, Colonel." Okay, she was pissed.

"I know you can, Major," he said emphasizing her rank. "However, when it involves someone on my team…" He paused. His thoughts were taking him into dangerous leave it in the room territory. "Don't you get it, Carter? When it involves you…" He rubbed his hands over his face. He was quietly debating with himself as if he was pulling petals off of a flower _'I should, I shouldn't, I should, I shouldn't, she loves me, she loves me not, she…_ "I care for you a hell of a lot more than I'm supposed to."

There was no response just silence. '_God, what was he doing? Spouting forget me nots like a love struck teenager. Bringing up The Topic.'_

"I know." Her words came out in a whisper.

"When you…dammit, Sam, they knew where you were, but we couldn't get to you. It took six months. You suffered for six fucking months. I suffered for six fucking months." He was looking at her, trying to read the expression on her face even though she was still staring head down at her hands. "If you had died…"

"A part of me did die." Her words were quiet but filled with emotion. "After everything that has happened Jolinar, Martouf, the entity and now this, I've lost little bits of myself and I…I don't know how much is left."

What could he say? He understood. Special ops, Iraq, Charlie, the entity. God, he understood so he did the only thing he could. "C'mere," he said and gently put his arm around her and pulled her close. "It's going to be okay, Sam. You're going to be okay."

"Is that an order, sir?"

"Nope, just a fact, Major."

They sat in companionable silence on the steps of the Stargate, two friends, two people bound by duty and stupid rules and regulations.

"Knock, Knock." His words surprised her.

"Who's there?" She said quietly, trying not smile.

"Jack." Daniel's voice echoed through their radios.

O'Neill sighed heavily. "God, he has the worst timing."

"Yes, sir." Carter turned her head into his shoulder as she tried to suppress her smile and giggle but failed miserably.

"You know sometimes he's like…"

"Jack, come in."

"A bad rash that won't go away." He said, sighing again before reaching for his radio to answer. "Yes, Daniel."

"Jack, where are you? Did you find Sam?"

"Everything's fine, Daniel, we're on our way back eta 30 minutes. Oh, and Daniel, don't call me, I'll call you."

"Wait, Jack."

"Thirty minutes. O'Neill, Out." He turned his radio off and reached to turn Carter's off. "Worst timing ever." He mumbled to himself.

After the radio call ended, Carter did not immediately move from her place on his shoulder. She wanted needed a few more unguarded moments, a few more minutes of refuge before returning to reality.

"You don't have to go back. We're here at the gate."

She reluctantly pushed herself away from the Colonel's shoulder and looked up to meet his gaze. "I know." She stood from her position and headed down the 'gate steps leaving O'Neill behind. She turned when he did not immediately follow. "Coming, sir? You did tell Daniel thirty minutes."

He smiled and pushed himself up to follow. Yep, everything was going to be just fine.

"Who's there?" Carter asked as they started their walk back to the Volostrian government building.

"What?"

"You said knock, knock before…"

"Daniel interrupted with his impeccable timing." He finished.

"It is uncanny."

"Cows go."

"Cows go who?"

"No, cows go moo."

She smiled the first real smile he had seen in eight months. Yep, she was going to be just fine.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I'm back. Sorry for the loooong delay. Writer's block (not that I claim to be a writer) and work in that order. As always, thank you for reading and sticking with me. Please let me know what you think.**

* * *

**Chapter 14:**

"Well, it's about time." Daniel muttered to himself when he saw Jack and Sam approaching the Volostrian government building where he had been impatiently waiting since the pair left over an hour ago.

"What took you so long?" He stated, directing his query at Jack.

"Thirty minutes, Daniel. I said thirty minutes." He held up his arm for emphasis and pointed to his watch. "I did say thirty minutes?" He looked to Carter as if needing confirmation. "Carter?"

"Yes, sir, thirty minutes."

"And it has been…" He lifted the cover of his watch and studied it quizzically as if it were some new alien device.

"Twenty-seven minutes, sir"

"Twenty-seven minutes, Daniel." He stated emphatically slapping the cover back with emphasis.

Daniel ignored Jack's feigned annoyance. He did not know what happened in the meeting room after Jack sent everyone out, although he had some idea. He saw the pain and anger. He saw the rage that encompassed Sam like a dark storm cloud when she came face to face with Reynarc. A seemingly life time later he saw her flee the meeting room the pain and anger and rage replaced with frustration, guilt. Defeat.

And now? The mask was back. Control. Dutiful solider. Yet, behind the façade he noted an emptiness and weariness.

"Are you okay?" It was all he could really think of to ask. Was she okay? It was such a stupid question.

"Yes, Daniel, I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

He hated when Jack did this. He understood why he used sarcasm and ill-placed humor in tense situations, but no mattered how many times he was witness to or was the recipient, it was frustrating.

"Sam?"

Sam sighed resigned to the fact Daniel would not be appeased with, 'I'm fine' "What do you really want to hear, Daniel?"

It really was a stupid question.

O'Neill took Carter's response as his cue to step in. "What's got your boxer briefs in such a wad, Daniel?"

"What?"

"You seem a little, I don't know, tense."

Daniel took the bait. "I'm tense?" He rubbed his hands through his hair in frustration. "I'm tense?"

"Yes. Maybe you should take up a hobby. Try knitting."

"What?" His voice was strained.

"Briefs, wad." O'Neill motioned toward the archeologist obviously enjoying the annoyance and confusion he had caused.

He sighed heavily. "Fine. Fine." He really, really hated him sometimes. "After you left, Minister Hvas invited us to join him for dinner."

"And, of course, you politely declined."

"Um, not exactly."

"Um, not exactly? What _exactly _is that supposed to mean?"

"Apparently it's a state dinner. All parties involved in the negotiations are expected to attend."

"And you agreed to this?" It was O'Neill's turn to rub is hands through his hair in frustration.

"Unbelievable."

"Jack, just listen."

"No, after the debacle this afternoon I can't believe you even considered accepting."

"What exactly happened, Jack? I'm a little fuzzy on the details."

"We're leaving, Daniel."

"Jack."

"No, Daniel." He raised his hand to forestall further arguments. "I don't want to hear it. I don't give a damn about the negotiations and I sure as hell don't plan on going to dinner with a sadistic psychopath who torturers for fun and that idiot, Hvas. I'm not going to put her through this again."

Carter stood by and listened to the words. She knew it was all about her, the bravado and harsh words. It was all about her and she hated it. For the last eight months it's been about her.

"Colonel. Daniel."

She spoke their names calmly. The effect was immediate. The two men turned together as if realizing for the first time that she was there. "Please…I know you're just trying to protect me, to do what you couldn't when…" She paused as if reflecting on the still painful memories and drew in another deep breath before she continued. "I think it's time for me to live again, sir, and if it means eating with the devil, so be it.

Daniel looked at O'Neill with a 'what the hell' expression. O'Neill responded in kind with a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk.

"I'm hungry, let's go eat." She stated matter-of-factly brushing past the men heading toward the government building.

"Ah, Sam, are you sure?" Daniel called out hurrying to catch up to the retreating figure. He understood, but he was just checking. "I mean, Jack's probably right."

"Of course I'm right," Jack answered following at a more leisurely pace. "You heard the Major, she's hungry."

* * *

It was laughable. Here he was making small talk with a group of aliens, the Midgren or Migraines as he like to think of them and they had definitely caused him more than one, who only a few months ago abducted, repeatedly tortured, and left for dead one of his team members. Not just one of his team members mind you. Carter.

He was not faulting all the Midgren for what had happened to Carter, just one. Reynarc. He was the leader of the Midgren delegation and he was a certifiable psychopath, insane, lunatic, psycho, nutcase. Any description would suffice. He was the one who tortured Carter. He was the one who still haunted her dreams. He was the one she had her weapon pressed against earlier in the day silently daring her to kill him.

And then there was the other group, the Volostrians or Idiots as he referred to them. The Idiots not only knew for six months where Carter was and refused to let the SGC attempt a rescue, they tried to bomb the hell out of the Migraines and Carter and their own people with their oh so special pulse cannon. The weapon, the big honkin' space gun, the real reason why SG-1 were here playing nice with the aliens. Fulfill the primary objective of the SGC by obtaining alien technology to help in the fight against the Goa'uld, Carter be damned.

Really, who could make this up? Yet, here he was and he was not laughing.

"Are you going to stand there all night staring at him?"

"Starting at whom?" O'Neill said.

"Don't play dumb, Jack, you know who." Daniel replied. "You haven't stopped staring at him since he walked through the door."

"And he hasn't stopped staring at Carter."

"What do you think is going to happen? Do you really think he's going to do or try something?"

"Daniel, you do your thing. Talk. Mingle. Play diplomat." He said with a gesture of his hand toward the group assembled before him. "Let me do my thing."

"Yes, Jack, you do _your _thing so well. Brood. Scrutinize. Intimidate."

"Yes, well, practice make perfect." He deadpanned returning his glare to Reynarc.

Daniel turned toward the other man standing next to O'Neill. "Teal'c?"

"Daniel Jackson, I do not find it necessary to converse with those who conspired to cause Major Carter harm."

Leave it to the one who says the least to say the most. Teal'c was right. They were both right. He sighed in resignation and turned from his place at the back of the long, rectangular shaped room that served as the gathering place for dinner. He followed his friends' gazes to Reynarc. If looks could kill

Reynarc, stood on one side of the room, the sole representative of the Midgren. He was dressed in his finest military regalia and contemptuous smile, and was flanked on either side by two burley guards dressed in similar garb. He did not acknowledge the glares of the men across the room. Reynarc's gaze, as it had been since SG-1 arrived, was focused solely on Sam. He stalked her from across the room practically raping her with his piercing stare. He watched her every move, every gesture, every smile.

It made him want to throw-up.

Sam. He both admired and agonized for her. He knew this was some sort of healing thing for her, being in the same room, fraternizing with the very people, with one exception, who knowingly allowed her to be imprisoned for six months by the very man who stood just a few feet away. She kept her back to him, but he knew she knew.

Jack. He knew he blamed himself for what happened eight months ago. Nothing would change his mind. He had stopped trying. He was the one that had helped Sam the most. Jack, he supposed, was in the not so unenvied position of understanding what Sam had gone through.

Daniel was not sure how much longer he would be able to stand by and watch when he abruptly left his spot and headed toward Sam. Apparently, he had had enough.

"Carter?"

She politely excused herself from the Volostrian politician who had been droning on about the Volostrian economy, she thinks. It was difficult to focus when she could feel his eyes boring into her from behind.

"Sir?"

"How ya doing?" He was concerned and he made no attempt to hide the glare he shot over her shoulder toward Reynarc.

How was she doing? She felt like she was main attraction at the zoo. All eyes were on her watching her every move. Honestly, if she had to spend five more minutes in this room, she was going to be sick.

They were here because of her. Because she wanted to do this…whatever this was. What was she trying to prove? That he was not going to haunt her forever? That she could live her life again? That she was past the scars she still bore on her wrists and ankles from the shackles that tore into her skin for six months, past the lingering ache in her shoulders from the bones that were ripped from their sockets, past the scars that marked her leg and stomach when he viciously stabbed and left her for dead?

She put on her best smile and replied the only way she knew how. "I'm fine, sir."

He should have never agreed to this. She looked like she was about to fall apart if one more person said or looked her way and he did the only thing he knew to do. "Cut the crap, Carter."

She was startled by his reply. Apparently he could see past her charade and was not taking the stock Carter 'I'm fine' for an answer. Why would he? He knew the truth. She dropped her head in resignation.

"Look, Carter," he continued, "it's been a long day." He put his hand on her shoulder. "You made it. Get some rest."

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "Is that an order, sir?" She could not decide if she should be happy, relieved, or pissed.

"Does it need to be?

She was too tired to think, too tired to argue, too tired to keep up the guise. "No, sir." She said.

"Come on, I'll walk you. I could use a break from all the mingling." He said and ushered her out of the hall.

The fifteen minute walk passed in uncomfortable silence and the door to her room was a welcoming site but neither seemed ready to leave once they arrived.

"So." He said finally breaking the long silence. He shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot like a teenager on his first date.

"So." She responded, studying her boots.

"I meant what I said."

"Sir?"

"Get some sleep. You look like hell, Carter." He was right in encouraging her to leave the dinner. Okay, he ordered her to leave, but he was the commanding officer. It was his job to protect his team. She had been through so much today. Hell, she had been through more in the last eight months to last an eternity.

"Yes, sir." She said as she turned to enter her room too weary to even try to decipher the meaning behind his words if there really was one.

After she left, he stood rooted in his spot. He stared at the door. "You're going to be alright, Sam." He said softly whether she believed it or not.

She dropped heavily to the bed. The weight of the day had finally hit her. So many thoughts and emotions spiraled through her head. She was so tired. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally

Coming back to Volostra was her opportunity for closure, to finally bury the demons or just the one demon. It was funny to think how life threw a wrench in her plan.

She had not fooled anyone, Daniel, Teal'c, Colonel O'Neill, or him. She had only fooled herself into thinking she could come back here. What a fool she had been.

* * *

The scene had changed little in the time that O'Neill had been gone. Teal'c still stood watch, Daniel stilled socialized, the Volostrians and Midgren well, he did not really care anymore. As far as he was concerned, the night and their part in this whole…

The Midgren. Where were the Midgren?

"Shit." He said to himself as he sprinted across the room toward Teal'c.

"Teal'c, where is he?"

"If you are referring to the Midgren, their representatives left shortly after Major Carter and yourself."

He suddenly had that all too familiar sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. Again. It was all going to hell. Again.

Shit. Shit.

"Teal'c get Daniel and find the Midgren. Find him."

"What of you O'Neill?"

"I'm going back to Carter's room."

"Carter, come in." He barked into his radio as he sprinted out of the room back to Carter.

* * *

_She was back in the room. She was hanging again, the pain ripped through her body. She whimpered trying to hold in the screams that threatened to tear from her throat._

_He tenderly traced her cheek with his finger._

_She flinched at his touch. The movement sent another wave of pain through her body._

_She felt the tension of the ropes suddenly loosen and she was falling. She hit the floor. It was unforgiving. Her body screamed. _

_He stood over her. Watching. Inspecting his work. _

_He was suddenly on top of her. One hand pressed into her injured shoulder. Blood pooled slowly around his palm. The other hand held the bloody knife. The cool metal traced lazy lines down her face and neck. _

_She tried to scream but the hand on her shoulder quickly moved to cover her mouth. She was only able to whimper in protest. _

She awoke with a gasp. He was here.

"Hello, Samantha…"

* * *

**Cliffhangers, gotta love em.**

**One more chapter to go. Maybe two.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

Come on, come on, come on. He kept repeating the words to himself. It had already been twenty-five minutes since he left her. Another five minutes to go. Too long. Anything could have happened. Anything could be happening. Too damn long. Dammit, Carter, respond.

"Samanthaaa." Reynarc drawled her name. "I am disappointed." He was so close she could feel his hot breath against her face. His body pressed down heavily against hers. The knife was cold against her neck. "You should have killed me when you had the chance."

There was no point in calling out. No one was going to hear her in Volostra's version of motel hell. She was alone. They were going to be too late.

She was NOT going to let this happen again. Her initial fear was suddenly replaced with the same anger that propelled her earlier in the day. "Go to hell!" She said through clenched teeth. If she was going to die, she was not going to make it easy for him.

"In time." He said and pressed the knife a little harder. She let out a small gasp when she felt the knife break her skin and blood began to slowly trail down her neck.

"Carter, respond." O'Neill's voice sounded through her radio again. She could hear the urgency in his voice.

"Ah, your Colonel." He said. "It seems he has discovered my departure and is coming to your rescue." He moved the knife again. She could feel the tip of the blade slowly move down her chest as he lazily traced the path of the blood oozing from her neck.

"Did you know he threatened to kill me after your departure?" He stopped his movements as if he was suddenly offended by the thought of being threatened. He lifted his head from her face and looked her in the eyes. The normal smug, haughty look was gone. His eyes were glazed and unfocused.

"Why are you doing this? Why me?"

"No matter." He said as if he had not heard her pleadings.

Enough of this. It was act now or be killed. Dead or alive. She preferred the first choice and suddenly slammed her head into his

"Carter, respond." He said again. He was trying to keep his voice calm, but he knew he had failed miserably. He was not going to let this happen again.

"Teal'c, come in."

"O'Neill."

"Have you found the Midgren?"

"I have. They have retired to their rooms for the night."

"Reynarc?"

"I was unable to locate him."

"What of Major Carter?"

"She's not responding to her radio. I'm five minutes away. Grab Daniel and head to my location."

She heard bone crunch.

"Bitch!" He screamed as he instinctively reached toward his nose with the knifed hand. Carter used the small advantage to push her body upon against his. She moved him just enough that she was able to free her legs and wrap them around his body. She twisted. It was just enough. The tangled bodies fell to the floor in slow motion.

She felt the air push out of her lungs when she hit, maybe a rib crack when he landed on top of her but she was free.

"What the hell do you want with me?" She had managed to untangle herself and scramble to her feet. She now faced Reynarc who had also quickly recovered and blocked her path to her vest and weapon which lay across the small room.

"What do I want, Samantha?" He said as he raised himself to his full imposing height. His face was bloodied from where she had broken his nose. But he still had the advantage. He still had his knife and he was between her and the door. "I want you to die."

"Why? I. Don't. Know. Anything."

"The game was never finished, Samantha." He said as he moved a step closer to her closing the gap ever so slightly.

"Game? This is all a game to you? You tortured me for six months for fun?"

"Yes." He said and took another step closer. "You never broke, Samantha. Never begged. Never stopped fighting. Unacceptable!" He said. "How dare you think you are stronger than me. How dare you survive. No one survives."

Reynarc was close enough now that she could strike. It was time to end this. "Fuck you." She said and charged him. She was pretty sure she was going to have a new scar from a knife wound or be dead but it would be over. When they hit the floor again, she felt the knife slice into her leg. The pain was excruciating. She could already feel the flow of blood soaking through her pants.

Reynarc was only slightly dazed and already beginning to move. Her mind was screaming at her to get up. Get up before he did. She somehow pushed back the pain and willed herself to get to her feet. She began to stagger toward her weapon that lay almost within reach. It may as well have been a mile she was never going to reach it in her condition or with Reynarc still conscious.

She suddenly felt herself falling again. Reynarc had managed to turn over and used his leg to knock feet out from under her as she tried to pass. She tried to brace herself for the impact but it was going to hurt. She landed hard. Pain ripped through her body. Her mind was still screaming at her. Get up! She tried to get back to her feet but Reynarc had managed to reach her first. He grabbed her injured leg and pulled her back. She screamed.

"Carter!" She heard Colonel O'Neill voice bellow again through her radio.

Through the pain Carter somehow managed to kick out with her free leg and connected again with Reynarc's broken nose. He was stunned enough that he let go. She turned over again crawled toward her weapon that was now within reach.

"Do you think your Colonel is going to save you?" He said as he recovered quickly from the kick. He grabbed both legs this time and flipped her over.

The bullet tore through his chest. Reynarc looked down as if in shock at the hole and the red that was slowly seeping through his clothing. He looked down at Carter who was on her back holding her weapon waiting to fire again. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. He smiled and fell to the floor.

Carter managed to push herself up against the closest wall she could find. She still trained her weapon at the unmoving body on the floor. She heard Colonel O'Neill call through the radio one more desperate time. She wanted to respond but that would require moving. Moving was not a good idea right now.

She was losing the battle to stay conscious when she heard the door open and Colonel O'Neill call out to her.

"Carter?"

"S…r?" She tried to answer.

"How ya' doing?" He dropped to his knee and felt him take her face in his hands and turn toward him. She tried to keep her eyes opened. She tried to let him know that she was okay. "Stay with me, Carter."

"Ov…r?" She slurred out.

O'Neill looked over his shoulder at the very dead body of Reynarc. "It's over."

"Perm…sn to pa…s out, s…r?"

He smiled. "Permission granted." He said as he looked once more at the body. "You did good, Sam." He said to her now unconscious figure. "You did good."

* * *

General Hammond stood at the bottom of the ramp and watched three fourths of SG-1 walk toward him. It was really late or really early. Hell, it was 3 am and he was tired. This better be good.

"For what it's worth, welcome back, SG-1." He greeted the approaching men.

"Good to be back, sir."

"Colonel, you were gone for less than 24 hours. What the hell happened? And why did Major Carter just return on a stretcher with a knife in her leg?"

"Speaking of Sam." Daniel spoke up. "Where is she?"

"She was taken directly to surgery."

"Colonel?" He said.

"Old acquaintance." O'Neill said cryptically.

"And she ended up with a knife imbedded in her leg. What of her assailant?"

"Oh, he got exactly what was coming to him, sir." He said, clearly pleased with his response by the slight smirk he gave to the General. "Permission to be dismissed?" His expression changed quickly to one of concern. "I...um…we would like to check on Carter." He said motioning to Daniel and Teal'c in an attempt to cover up his slip.

"Very well, debrief at 0700."

* * *

This was really getting old.

She could feel the veil of the drugs slowly lifting. She heard familiar sounds, beeping instruments, murmured words. Definitely the infirmary. Her leg hurt. Check that, her whole body hurt. Right, knife wound and several hard falls to an unforgiving floor. Maybe a broken rib or three. Moving was probably not the best thing to do at the moment.

After several unsuccessful attempts she finally opened her eyes. She blinked few times in an attempt to focus on the figure by her bed. Colonel O'Neill. She smiled and watched him for a few unguarded seconds. He sat in one of the hard plastic infirmary chairs too small to accommodate his long, lanky frame. His head was down and elbows rested on his knees. He twisted a tongue depressor restlessly in his hands. A small pile of previously broken victims accumulated at his feet.

"Sir?" She said weakly and barely audible but it was apparently enough. His head shot up, the wooden stick quickly dropped to join its brethren on the floor.

"Carter." He replied. It was his standard answer, reply, and question when he did not know what else to say to her, much like, sir, was hers. Keep it professional. Keep it in the room.

"How long have I been out?"

"A while." He stood and moved toward the bed. He was close enough to almost, almost, touch her hand. "Good drugs will do that to you."

"Yes, sir." She replied tiredly. Damn drugs.

"So, um…" She could tell he was not sure what to say next. She was also sure that he was blaming himself, again, for what happened. "Do you want to talk about it?"

The question seemed to surprise them both. It was not like the Colonel to delve into the personal stuff.

"I'm fine, sir." She replied with her second most used response. It was now up to him whether he was going to call her bluff.

He studied her briefly before responding. "Yes you are." He said as she watched his hand creep closer and lightly brush hers before he quickly stuffed it deep into his pocket. "Get some rest, Carter."

"Yes, sir." She closed her eyes and let her body succumb to the call of the drugs and dreamless sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Yea, no cliffhanger. Hope you enjoyed. Another chapter or two or an entirely new story to go. **


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16:**

The sun was warm on her face. Since her release from the infirmary four days earlier, she had been spending a lot of time sitting outside on her small patio. There was little else she could do with a leg wound, crutches, and two broken ribs but sit and relax and think. So here she was.

She did not hear the car pull up or the ringing of her door bell. She had been lost in her thoughts. Her life before P4X-532, her life now, her future.

"Hey." The voice said startling her from behind. She turned quickly to seek out the familiar voice and was met with a sharp pain in her chest. She grimaced and a let a quiet moan.

"Colonel." She managed to say through clenched teeth as she waited for the pain to subside.

O'Neill grimaced too. "Sorry, Carter. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay, sir." She said still trying to push back the pain burning in her chest. "I just wasn't expecting anyone. How'd you get in?" She was more than a little confused as to how he was standing here. Even more, why was he here? And she was surprised. She was suprised to see Colonel O'Neill, here at her home, alone. He always came with Daniel or Teal'c. Coming alone was dangerous.

"I used my key." The one she gave him three years ago for emergencies. This was the second time he had ever used it. "I've been ringing your door bell for the last five minutes." He said as he pulled up a chair and sat down near her. "Are you okay?"

"Bum leg, busted ribs, I'm fine, sir."

"Riiight." He looked at her skeptically. "So how are you really?"

"Can I get you something to drink, sir?" She said trying to deflect the conversation away from her recovery.

"Carter." He said in an authoritative tone.

"Why are you here? Sir." She added the sir on begrudgingly.

He sighed. Heavily. Frustrated. "I'm sorry."

"Sir. Don't" She said trying to stop him.

"I never told you. I'm sorry. For everything."

"Sir."

"Please, Carter, let me finish."

"I can't do this anymore."

"I…. What?" He said when her words finally registered in his brain. "Can't do what?"

"This." She said as she slowly turned to face him. "SG-1. The Air Force. The Goa'uld. The next threat."

He did not know what to think. What to say.

"I've spent the last few days doing a lot of thinking."

"And?"

"I don't think I can do this anymore."

"Carter, if this is about what happened…"

She interrupted him although he was sure she had not heard him speak. "I was so screwed up after I was rescued from P4X-532. I thought if I could just get back to work back to SG-1 everything would return to normal."

"But." He supplied for her because he could hear the but coming.

"You were there, sir."

"Yes, I was. He's dead. Reynarc can't hurt you any more."

"This is the first time I've been on my patio in over a year." She said. "I leave my house some days not knowing when or if I'll ever be back."

"What are you trying to say? You're giving up?"

"I…I don't know" She replied hesitantly. "But six months in an alien prison tends to change your perspective on things."

"Things being your job, your life, your relationships."

"Something like that." She replied suddenly feeling the need to move away from the Colonel's close proximity. She tried to hide the grimace she made as she slowly pushed herself up from her lounge chair and began to limp heavily toward the door.

"Carter," He said gently grabbing her arm and turning her to face him. "You're forgetting who you're talking to. I'm the poster child for screwed up and I'm still here. Demons and all." He did not need to mention the demons that haunted him.

"Here sit back down before you pull something." He said leading her back to her vacated seat.

"How'd you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Sir."

"Friends, family, Guiness, Scotch. Carter, I fight my demons everyday. They'll always be apart of me." He waited for her to reply but was met with silence so he continued his pathetic attempt at, well, whatever he was trying to do. "Let me help you."

"I'm tired, sir." She said attempting to move from her position again. "Maybe you should leave."

"No." He grabbed her with more force this time refusing to let her run away. "I'm not going to let you shut me out. Look, Carter, I meant what I said back on P4… back on that god-forsaken planet."

"I know." She responded just as she had back on Volostra.

"Do you really?" He questioned. He did not specifically mention exactly what he was referring to. He said a lot of things on the plant. "Do you really understand what I'm saying?"

She responded by moving closer and resting her forehead on his chest. She knew. He wrapped his arms around her. They made their choice. The choice of keeping their feelings for each other locked away in hopes that one day when they were not fighting for the fate of the planet or galaxy or some other impending doom they could be together. One day.

She knew he would give it all up; she was not going to let him ruin his career for her. He was too important to the program. He was not going to let her ruin her career either. She was too important to the program.

"It's not time." She said quietly into his chest. She could not look at him. It hurt too much to face the reality of their choice.

They stood wrapped in each others arms. Sometime in the minutes they held each other, Carter had finally broken and quietly cried into his shirt. There was really nothing more he could say. She was right. It was not their time. He wondered silently would it ever be their time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17:**

She had been gone for six months. She sighed softly when she realized the date while drinking her coffee and reading the morning paper. Six months. Fourteen months since her life had irrevocably changed. She tried not to think about that day, crying in Colonel O'Neill's arms. She never cried or at least she never used to. She cries a lot now. But that day…the fear, the uncertainty of her future. It was still hard to believe sometimes. She really had left everything.

"Life goes on." She said to no one as she took another sip of her coffee.

She made the decision to leave the day before she was to report back to the SGC. She left her cell phone, credit cards, her life and drove east out of the Springs with no particular destination mind. She took her time crisscrossing the country choosing to stay on the back roads and stopping often at the small towns that dotted the landscape. She had little choice as her still healing body protested the extended hours in the car. Nights were hard and she slept very little just enough to make it to the next day's unknown destination.

It may have had something to do with her body finally saying 'enough' or her car breaking down or the fact that she was running out of land but she had been here for the last three months. Here being, Frisco, a sleepy town on the North Carolina Outer Banks. It was a tourist town in the summer. A popular destination for summer vacationers known for its secluded beaches and the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse, but during the offseason it was deserted populated by the 400 or so permanent residents and, now, one slightly damaged, former Air Force Major.

_Pop's Fix-it_ was a one stop repair shop. Broken appliances to computers to cars under one roof. Well, one roof and the attached garage. Pop inherited the shop and name from his Dad, the original Pop. His real name was William Popper, Jr. hence Pop and Sam was his newest employee. Not that Pop wished bad luck on anyone, but he thanked God every morning for Sam's broken down car some three months ago.

It was the Sunday after Labor Day, the tail end of the summer season, and the vacation crowds had started to thin. During the summer, he stayed open seven days a week for the vacationers. This was the last Sunday he would be open before he reduced his hours for the winter. A lot of businesses had already closed or reduced their hours; he was usually one of the last. His, being one of two in Frisco, was also the only service station opened on Sunday. It was late in the afternoon and if he was honest with himself, he was tired and ready for his own vacation to start.

Pop saw her walking up the road. He immediately thought she looked odd in jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt. It was still hot and humid, the temperature hovering around 90 the last few days, summer had not released its grip on the state yet. He was surprised when she stopped in front of his store, paused a moment as if trying to figure out what _Pop's Fix-it_ was all about, and headed toward the door.

Her face was flushed and sweaty from her walk and could tell the air conditioner was a welcome relief when she walked in. She was tall, short blond hair, striking blue eyes. Her skin, what he could see, was pale. Most of the beach stragglers left over were various shades of brown from working on their tans all summer or sunburned from lying out on the beach a little too long trying to soak in the last rays before winter. She was neither, definitely new in town.

"Can I help you young lady."

"Hi, I hope you can." She said hesitantly and slightly out of breath. "My car broke down back up the road and I'm looking for a service station."

"At your service."

"Really?" She asked looking around at the appliances in various stages of repair.

"Yep. I'm a one stop fix-it shop, toasters to cars."

"Great. Um, do you tow cars?"

"Sure do. Where abouts did you breakdown?"

"About 2 clicks back."

"Military?"

"What?"

"You in the military? You said click. The only people who say click around here are the jarheads who come over from Lejeune or Cherry Point which is a haul. They usually hangout around Morehead or Atlantic Beach but sometimes they take the ferry over. We also get the sailors down from Norfolk."

Sam cursed herself when she realized her slip. "No." She replied simply hoping her short answer would end the questions.

"Really? I would've sworn..."

Seeing as the man was not going to take no for answer, she felt obligated to continue. "No…I mean I was. I'm not now."

"What branch?"

"Air Force. I'm sorry but you mentioned that you had a tow truck? I know it's Sunday but…?"

"What? Oh, yeah, sure." He said as if he did not want to drop the military subject. "But we got a problem though."

"Problem?"

"Mechanic quit last week."

"Ah."

"Look, I can tow you back here or to the other station in town but Ernie always take a week off after Labor Day. Either way you're stuck here at least a week until he gets back or I hire a new mechanic." He said apologetically.

"I can fix it." The words were out of her mouth before she realized what she said.

"Really?"

"If you let me use your garage, I can fix my car. I'll pay for everything, parts, labor and I'll be out of you hair by tomorrow. Easiest money you'll ever make."

"Really?"

"I'm not going to rob you, sir. Scout's honor." She said raising three fingers and flashing him a sincere smile.

"Okay. Why not." There was something about her that he could not put his finger on. Maybe it was the military thing. He was a Vet. Served in the Army. Maybe he felt sorry for her essentially stuck out in the middle of no where. Maybe he wanted to see if she really could fix her car. What ever it was he towed Sam, they made formal introductions on the drive to her car, back and left her with his key.

When he arrived the next morning, Sam's car was sitting outside of the garage. She had apparently fixed it. He found her sitting in the shop surrounded by the bowels of broken appliances and computers.

"You fixed it?" He asked but he already knew the answer.

"Busted fuel line." She said without looking up from the computer that she had spread out in front of her. "Easy enough to fix. I made a list of the parts and time it took me."

"I'm impressed. You a mechanic in the Air Force?"

Sam looked up at Pop's question. "No. It's just a hobby."

"Repairing broken appliances and busted computers a hobby too?"

Sam blushed. "Sometimes. I like to tinker."

"You want a job?" He said jokingly.

"Sure."

That was three months ago.

Although she could have her choice of places to rent during the winter, Sam lived in the small room in the back of his shop. It was sparse with only a single bed, kitchenette and a small T.V. that she had repaired. She did not complain and offered to pay him rent each month which he refused.

There was plenty of work to do even in the offseason. For someone who said that auto repair was a 'hobby' and only liked to 'tinker' with old junk, Sam was quickly making a name for herself throughout the county as some kind of genius that could fix anything. Maybe she was a genius. Occasionally she would go to the library in Hatteras and come back with science magazines with titles he could not pronounce on subjects he would never have a hope in hell of understanding. He asked her one day when he saw her flipping through one of her magazines if she was a rocket scientist. She smiled. She never did answer him.

He would occasionally ask her about her military career. It seemed to be a touchy subject. She offered little information always changing the subject or just not answering. He knew she had been in the Gulf War. That was the one thing Sam did disclose to him. Nothing else. Classified. For all he knew she could be a deserter hiding out in his little shop.

He thought maybe she used to work with dangerous weapons or defuse bombs. She would lose herself in her work studying the innards of a toaster as if the fate of the world were in her hands if she did not repair it. She always did. At least in the three months she had been working for him.

Pop thought maybe she was one of those people who studied space. The stars seemed familiar to her as if she knew them each personally. At night, before the weather turned too cold and sometimes even then, Sam would walk to the beach with a blanket and an old telescope that she had refurbished and sit late into the night gazing intimately into the sky. He felt like a dirty old man for spying on her but it was really beautiful to watch.

Sometimes when she was too immersed in her work to notice him watching, she would unconsciously rub her wrists and ankles as if trying to soothe aching joints. Even though she tried to keep them covered, he saw the scars. He wondered if she had been a POW in the Gulf. He lived above his shop. He knew she suffered from nightmares. He could hear the screams at night. He knew women were not officially allowed in combat. A female solider being captured by the enemy would have made the headlines. He also knew the military kept secrets.

Sam was a mystery to him. In his seventy years he had never met anyone quite like her and in the end all he could really do was speculate about her life. But, for what ever reason or reasons that brought Sam here, he was happy to have her and hoped that maybe amongst the broken appliances and cars she tirelessly repaired she would find the pieces to repair her life and the peace she seemed to be seeking.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I realized after I posted the previous chapter that I mis-calculated the story's time frame which I have corrected. I am also reposting the previous chapter to reflect the change. A huge thank you to everyone that has read and continues to read. Also a special shout out to for your rec on GW. I'm touched and flattered that you would recommend this story to others. Hope you enjoy Chapter 18. **

* * *

**Chapter 18:**

Carter has been gone for six months. O'Neill laughed sardonically at the thought. Six months. Fourteen months since everything went to hell. A day did not go by that he did not think back to the last time he saw her, holding her while she cried. She never cried. He should have realized that maybe she was serious about leaving, giving it all up. It was still hard to believe. She was gone.

"Life goes on." He said to no one as he took long drink from his beer. Begrudgingly, SG-1 were still a four member team. It had taken three months and a stern ultimatum from Hammond to find a replacement. The SGC had not fallen apart although sometimes it would have made life a lot easier with Carter there. Earth and the galaxy had not fallen to the Goa'uld, yet. And Carter was gone living her life wherever the hell that was.

"Cheers, Carter." He said tipping his bottle to empty air and taking another drink. "I hope you're happy."

He found him leaning heavily against the deck railing a beer bottle dangling from his hand. Jack had apparently started drinking early; it was still morning, a few discarded bottles already lay scattered about.

"A little early for beer, don't you think?"

"Breakfast of champions." Jack replied taking another long drink finishing the bottle. He dropped it on the deck and grabbed another from the six pack keeping him company.

"What are you doing, Jack?"

"Getting drunk." He took another drink as if to prove his point. "What are you doing here, Jacob?" He turned for the first time to face him. "You've been gone, for what, eight months. The Tok'ra finally give you a weekend pass and you decided to come check up on your daughter?"

"What happened?"

"What happened?" He laughed the words. "She left, Jacob. That's what happened." He punctuated the statement with another long drink.

"How long?"

"Six months." Another long drink. Another empty bottle. "As a matter of fact, it's been six months today. Great timing you have there. Again, I ask, what're you doing here, Jacob? I'm sure Hammond's already briefed you."

"He did."

"So. And. Therefore."

"So, I guess I'm here to see how you're doing."

Jack was surprised by the restrain coming from Jacob. His lasts words to him were to take care of her. A fine job he had done thank you very much. He had expected the full fury of Jacob Carter not this calm concern.

"Peachy." He turned to grab another beer. "Shouldn't I be asking how you're doing?" He twisted the cap off and flicked it across the deck into the yard. "You did just find out your daughter's been AWOL for the last six months. So how're you doing, Jacob.? You going to kick my ass now?"

"I think you've had enough."

"Not today. Look, Jacob, I don't mean to be rude but I'm trying to get drunk. You're kind of raining on my parade." He turned and headed inside.

Five, ten minutes passed before Jack heard the screen door open. He had abandoned his beer and graduated to scotch. Scotch was better.

Jacob sat down across from him. "Don't get me wrong, Jack, I'm furious about what happened. But Sam is an adult, a very stubborn adult. She gets it honest. Pour me one." He said motioning to the bottle Jack was cradling like a baby.

He looked at the man surprised by the request. "I didn't know the Tok'ra drank."

"They don't. Selmak's going to have to suck it up and take one for the team." He took a drink savoring the liquid as it burned down his throat

There was a moment of silence between the two men. Tense silence. Jack thought that Jacob may have decided to ditch the concern in favor of kicking his ass. Without breaking eye contact Jacob finished his Scotch and the stare down continued.

"So are you going to tell me what happened? What really happened? And why my little girl has essentially thrown away her career?"

He sighed. He rubbed his hands through his hair and sighed again. "It wasn't easy. She worked hard to get back. She seemed fine. Her first mission back," he laughed and took another drink to settle himself, "her first mission back SG-1 were sent back to that god-forsaken planet. All the work she had done to get back gone in the breath it took to say P4X-532. She didn't have to go. She saw it as some sort of closure. It should have been. As usual, it all went to hell when he showed up."

"Who?"

"Reynarc, the psycho who tortured her."

"Shit."

"Yeah. She killed him. Came home with a knife in her leg and some busted ribs."

"That's my girl." He smiled.

"I went to see her after she was discharged from the infirmary. She told me she was wanted to give it up. And she did. She left the day before she was due to report back. I'm sorry, Jacob, I tried. She was so screwed up. They were her words, you know. Screwed up. To be honest, I'm surprised she lasted as long as she did. She went through hell, Jacob, not once but twice. If that's not enough to screw with you…" He stopped letting the words drift in the air. Neither man spoke. The only sound was the slosh of the alcohol refilling empty glasses.

"Jack, do you have any idea where she may have gone?" It was Jacob's turn to run tired and frustrated hands over his face.

He laughed. "If I knew, Jacob, I would have already dragged her ass back to Colorado Springs. She left and she didn't want to be found. They haven't looked for her, you know. Hammond is trying to keep it quiet but he can only claim extended medical leave for so long before some of the wrong groups start asking questions."

"So what are you going to do?" Jacob finally said.

"Well, today I'm going to finish getting inebriated on this fine Scotch here," He held the bottle up for emphasis, "probably throw-up, maybe pass out later. Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up with a massive hangover take a couple of ibuprofen and start my forced vacation. What about you, Jake? Any big plans?"

Jacob laughed and downed his second Scotch. "You're some piece of work. The tough, bad-ass Colonel Jack O'Neill."

"With two 'l's'." He slurred and held up three fingers.

"You know, I'm not sorry I asked you to look after Sam. I knew you'd do it anyway."

"Is that so?"

"We're not stupid, Jack."

"We?"

"Selmak and me. I know you're in love with my daughter." He held up his hand to forestall the argument and denial. "You're a good man, Jack. I know you did everything you could for her. It's up to Sam now."

"Hmph…" Jack replied into his glass.

"I can't stay. But I'm sure you already know that." He finished his drink and got up to leave. "Take care of yourself, Jack."

After Jacob left, he let his head fall back on to the couch. Damn Jacob Carter. Damn that psycho. Damn it all to hell.

"Cheers, Carter," he said tipping the bottle to the empty room, "wherever the hell you are."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

Jack awoke laying face down on his bathroom floor. He was still clutching the bottle of half empty vodka he had switched to after he finished off the scotch. Not his liquor of choice for getting drunk but it still did the job. It allowed him to forget, even if it was only for a few short hours.

He forced himself slowly into a sitting position against the wall facing the commode. He took another long, deep drink from the bottle. A last hurrah, homage to his binge and everything he tried to forget. And because his mouth tasted like hours old vomit and he did not have the strength yet to pull up to the sink to brush his teeth. His body thanked him by throwing up again.

And his head, well, a Goa'uld hand device felt like a tickle compared to the pain in his head right now. Throw up, check. Massive hangover, check. Ibuprofen for said hangover, coming up. He needed a pee, shower and coffee in that order.

Thirty minutes later he sat at his kitchen table, showered, shaved, teeth brushed, and coffee in hand. He was already miserable. Just as he told Jacob; he was on leave. Forced leave. At first it was only suggested that he take some time off. That was until he punched the new guy in the face for a comment he made about Carter. Asshole, he did not even know her. How dare that punk think he could replace her?

What the hell was he going to do on a vacation? He could not even go to his cabin unless he happened to have a snow plow handy. It was the middle of January and it was Minnesota. No offense to Daniel, who always meant well, and Teal'c, who was like a brother, but he did not think he could take an undetermined number of days hanging out and watching movies. If he was being forced to take time off, he sure as hell was not going to stay here.

Decision made, he grabbed a duffle bag, threw in some clothes and left. If they wanted him gone, he would go.

* * *

He was in Kansas on I-70 somewhere between the state line and Wichita when his cell phone rang. "That didn't take long." He muttered to himself as he contemplated whether he was going to answer. He really wanted to let it keep ringing or better yet just throw the thing out the window and keep driving. He already knew who it was. Daniel.

In his not so subtle way, Jack knew he probably drove to his house on the pretense of just being in the neighborhood. He may or may not have dragged Teal'c with him. Maybe since they were already there, they would have a few beers and maybe they would end of talking about what happened with the new guy and then maybe it would drift over to the real issue. And maybe he was not in the mood. The phone kept ringing.

They probably were still at his house he surmised, panicking. Well, Daniel was panicking and Teal'c was being Teal'c. Damnit.

"Yes, Daniel." He finally answered before his voice mail picked up. He tried for his best 'everything is fine' voice.

"Jack." Daniel tried to play it off, but he could hear the panic.

"Daniel."

"Where are you? Teal'c and I were just in the neighborhood and stopped by your house. You're not answering."

"Right. I'm not there."

"Where are you?"

"Driving."

"Um…okay, where are you driving?"

"I don't really know, somewhere in Kansas."

"Kansas? Seriously?" Daniel questioned, clearly thrown by the response.

"Yes, Daniel. I'm on vacation. Remember?"

"Right. So, where're you headed? Minnesota?"

"Nope." There was a long silence as Jack did not offer any further information.

"You're not going to tell me are you?" Daniel finally asked taking the silence as his answer.

"Daniel," he said sighing wearily. "I know what you and Teal'c are trying to do. I appreciate it, but right now I need to be alone. And before you ask again, I don't know where I'm going. I'm just driving. When I get too tired, I'm going to stop, sleep, get up and drive some more."

"Do you really think that's such a good idea?" Jack could hear the concern in his voice.

"What? Take some time off? It's what everyone, you included, has been trying to get me to do for the last six months. So, I'm taking some time. I'm officially on vacation."

"I know, but…"

"Look, Daniel, I've got to go. I'll call you when I finally get to where I'm going."

"Where ever that is." He said, clearly not liking the cryptic answers or non-answers he received.

"Right." Jack said ending the call. He threw the phone over on to the passenger side of his truck and kept driving. Five minutes later the phone rang again. "Damnit, Daniel." He said loudly and grabbed his phone.

"What?" He barked.

"Jack?" He heard the voice drawl his name over the line.

He immediately sat up a little straighter in the seat. "General?" He said through a grimace when he realized who was on the other line. "Sorry, sir, thought it was someone else."

"No need to apologize, son."

"So, General, what can I do for you? Has my leave been rescinded already?" He joked.

"Afraid not, Colonel."

"Right, just checking."

"I just wanted to call and see what you plans were."

"Plans?" He asked already thinking the worse. He was going to be court martialed and probably discharged for punching that punk. What a way to end his career.

"Are you going to go to that cabin of yours you're always talking about?"

"Cabin? Oh. Ah, no, sir. It's January, no way of getting up there until the spring thaw. Right, now, I don't have any plans." He chose not to tell the General he was currently in the middle of Kansas driving to some unknown destination. "Did Daniel call you, sir?"

"Dr. Jackson? No, I haven't heard from him since yesterday. Why do you ask?"

"No reason, sir."

"Jack, I'm not going to pretend that I don't have ulterior motives for calling. Whether you like it or not, you need this time off. SG-1 has had a rough fourteen months. I should've done this earlier and maybe the incident with Captain James could've been avoided."

"With all due respect, General, but Carter's the one who's had the rough fourteen months."

"I stand corrected, Colonel." Hammond conceded. "But her ordeal affected all of you as evidenced by your actions against your own teammate."

"He deserved it."

"So no plans?" Hammond said changing the subject.

"If you must know, I'm in Kansas right now."

"Really? Where are you headed?"

"I don't know."

"I have a friend who has a beach house. He's always trying to get me there."

"But there's never time when the fate of the world is always hanging in the balance."

"Something like that. Let me call him. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you stayed there. It's not the backwoods of Minnesota but I think you'd like it. Quiet. Secluded. Perfect for you."

Jack did not immediately answer as he thought about Hammond's proposal. Seeing as though he did not have a choice about his time off and the fact that he had already decided to go somewhere, Jack made his decision.

"So, where am I going?"

"North Carolina. Frisco, North Carolina."

* * *

After two days of driving and a two and a half hour ferry ride, he found himself the sole occupant of a beach front cottage in Frisco, a small community on Hatteras Island located on the North Carolina Outer Banks. Not really known for anything but near the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse, the tallest lighthouse in the United States, or so the brochure said in the Welcome Book he found for vacation renters. General Hammond was right. It was everything he said. Quiet. Secluded. Perfect for sulking and brooding and getting drunk.

He did not leave the cottage except to take a walk on the beach in the evenings. Often times he would end up sitting in the sand, his only company the lighthouse beacon that streaked across the sky, until late at night. Eventually, he would make his way inside and drink contemplating his future and toasting his screwed up life.

He needed more beer. Jack remembered seeing a convenient store coming off the ferry and decided that today, his fourth day on the island, was the day to explore the area and get more beer. He showered for the first time since his arrival, put on clean clothes, also the first since his arrival. He skipped shaving. He was on vacation he reasoned and headed to his truck.

Click, click, click.

"Damn, damn, damn." He said to the empty cab in frustration as he hit the steering wheel for good measure. "Great! Just great. And it's Sunday. Just great." He got out of his truck, slammed the door, and stomped back to the cottage.

He grabbed the phone book and flopped down on the sofa turning toward the Yellow Pages. Nothing. Nothing in the area was opened on Sunday. The only service station Frisco had, according to the ads, was Ernie's, and was only opened Monday thru Friday between October and May. Great.

He threw the book down in disgust. After a few minutes of more sulking, which Jack decided he was becoming quite good at, he picked up his keys and headed out the door. He needed beer. If he could not drive, he would walk. It would be just like an off world hike except with a better outcome, beer.

He had been walking for about twenty minutes when he saw the first signs of the town or what you could call a town. A few scattered business, all closed he noted.

Pop saw the man walking down the road. He was obviously looking for something as he watched him stop in front of store fronts and read the business hours posted on windows and doors. He knew they were all closed. Nothing was opened on Sunday, well, except for him. It was eerily reminiscent of the day Sam showed up.

He watched the man wander up to his building and saw his face light up when he read his open sign. Sometimes, he guessed, it was worth opening on Sunday.

He was a good looking man maybe in his late forties, he was not good with ages. He usually judged age as he was old and everybody else was younger. He was tall, tanned, looked like he kept himself in shape. Yep, good looking fella.

"Can I help you young fella." Pop asked when the man walked in.

"Yes, sir. I need beer and a mechanic preferably in that order."

Pop laughed. "I can help you with the mechanic beer'll have to wait until Monday."

"Really?" The man, like most first timers to Pop's, looked at him skeptically.

"Yep. I'm a one stop fix-it shop, toasters to cars. Got the best mechanic in the county. She can fix anything." He said proudly.

"Great. Too bad about the beer, it really would be a one stop shop."

"I'll keep that in mind. Let's go see Sam," Pop said as he headed toward what Jack suspected was the garage, "and we'll see about getting you towed back. She'll have you fixed up in no time."

He followed the owner but had not heard anything after he said his female wonder mechanic was named Sam. What were the chances? Carter would know.

"Hey, Sam." The man said walking into the garage to a pair of legs sticking out from under a car.

"Gimme a sec." Jack heard the muffled reply. The wait was short and they heard another muffled, "coming."

She pushed out from under the vehicle. He recognized her an instant before she saw him. There was no mistaking her even covered in grease and grime.

It was Carter.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Okay, so the general consensus was you were not happy with how the previous chapter ended. Sorry about that but it had to be done and I hope this chapter makes up for the abrupt ending. Thanks again to everyone who continues to read and all the wonderful and insightful and encouraging reviews. shivez**

* * *

**Chapter 20:**

Of all the ways Jack had imagined finally seeing Carter again- General Hammond surprising SG-1 at a briefing with a new team member and she walks in behind him, showing up at his door late one night, maybe even running into her at the grocery store- standing in front of him in a garage in a town that looked something out of Mayberry with grease covered face and hands, mussed hair, and wearing coveralls that apparently belong to Carl was not in the top ten or one hundred. If her name tag had said Goober or Gomer instead of Carl he would have checked himself into the nearest hospital sure that he had finally lost it.

Yet here they were, staring at each other as if both were aliens. And then the realization hit, at least for him. It was Carter. God, he had missed her. He wanted to grab her in his arms and hold her just to be sure that it was really Carter not the namesake of her uniform or Goober or Gomer.

"What the hell are you doing here, Carter?" Again, these were not the words he thought he would say if and when he saw her again. But nothing about this situation was like he imagined.

She looked like she wanted to run, to be anywhere except facing him. If he was not blocking her only exit, she probably would.

"Do you know this young fella, Sam?" He heard the old man say from behind.

"I can't do this." She said as she tried to push past him and a confused Pop.

"Carter, wait." He grabbed her arm and turned her to look at him.

"Let her go, son." He heard the old man warn. Jack looked at Carter and saw fear and hurt and anger all directed toward him. Reluctantly, he let go and watched her disappear.

"This is so not how this was supposed to go." He said to the now space.

"You want to explain to me who you are? And what the heck just happened?" Pop had moved and now stood in front of him, arms crossed across his body. He looked liked a father who was facing down his daughter's first boyfriend.

"We're old friends."

"Old friends. Funny, Sam didn't seem happy too see you, Old Friend."

"Yeah, funny."

"Are you the reason she's here?"

"What?"

"I'm old, Friend, not stupid. As much as I'm happy she's here, Sam's runnin' from somethin'. She runnin' from you?"

What could he say? The old man was right, she ran from something. He was just as good an excuse as anything. "No." He hoped that was the right answer that she had not left because of him.

"You know, Friend, Sam's the best thing that's happened around here in a long time." Pop said. "She's made quite a name for herself round these parts. Heck of a mechanic. Can fix anything."

Jack smiled. "I'm not surprised."

"So you want try again? Who are you and why did she run out of my garage like she just saw a ghost?"

"I'm Jack O'Neill."

"Okay, Mr. O'Neill."

"Jack. Just Jack."

"Okay, Jack, how do you know Sam?"

"What did she tell you?"

"Nothin'. Like pullin' teeth to get her to talk. Former Air Force. Served in the Gulf. Is that how you know her? You serve together?"

"Yeah. Look, Mr…"

"Pop."

"Pop, this thing with Carter, it's complicated. I don't understand it myself and finding her here…Look, do you have any idea where she might've gone? I'd like…I really need to talk to her."

There was something about him, just like there had been something about Sam when he first met her. Maybe he was turning soft in his old age. Maybe he saw the concern in the man's face for Sam who he had come to think of as something as close to a daughter as he would ever have. Katherine, his wife and love of his life, died, God rest her soul, after only five years of marriage. Cancer. They never had children.

"Don't know what it is about you strangers lately." He muttered. "Try the beach." He motioned with his hand. "Two blocks down. Can't miss it."

Before Pop had finished his sentence, Jack was already heading out of the garage. He stopped suddenly just before he rounded the building and turned back toward Pop.

"Thank you, sir."

"You better not make me regret this, son."

"Never. Scout's honor." He said holding up his hand in mock salute.

"Is this sand taken?" Jack said when he found Carter sitting alone, knees pulled up close, on a deserted stretch of beach. A cold wind blew off the water as the waves crashed menacingly on to shore. She stared forlornly out across the ocean oblivious to her surroundings.

"It's a free beach." She replied inching over as if to make room for him.

"Great!" He sat down mimicking her position. They sat in silence. The only sound the wind and the waves. In a different time, different situation, it would have been nice sitting here with her alone on a deserted beach at sunset.

"I'm not going back." She finally said her gaze still focused on the churning ocean.

"You know, Carter, as much as I want to drag your ass back to Colorado, that's not why I'm here."

"Then why are you here?" She looked pointedly at him. "If not to drag my ass back." He noticed her lack of military decorum. He was not going to call her on it. Now was not the time for dressing down a junior officer's failure to properly address a superior officer. In truth, he kind of liked it.

"Believe or not, I'm on vacation. My truck broke down. This was the only place open."

"Of all the gin joints…" She muttered under her breath.

"Didn't take you for a Bogart fan, Carter." He said smiling at her comment.

"I'm not. It just seemed appropriate." She quieted again.

Jack had always liked that they did not have to talk to carry on conversations. He was not a talker so it suited him. But now, he had so many questions and Carter was not offering any answers. Pop was right, it was going to be like pulling teeth.

"So how've you been?" He said trying a different tactic. "Haven't heard from you in ol' lets see, six months. I see you've got a new job. It seems to suit you. Carl's coveralls are a little big though. Jacob says 'hi…"

"You've seen my Dad?"

"About a week ago. The Tok'ra gave him a weekend pass and he came to see you. He's doing okay by the way. Not too happy to learn his daughter's AWOL."

She winced at his last comment but did not offer any further explanation.

"Why'd you run, Carter?" Jack said turning to look at her. "What's going on in that genius brain of yours?"

"I…I don't know. I…it's…" She sighed and pulled her knees up even closer as if trying to ward off the cold or maybe the assault of memories. He took off his coat and draped it over her shoulders. "I needed to heal. I needed to decide if I could still go through the gate again after everything…I couldn't go back. I left the day before I was supposed to report back to the SGC. I ended up here when my car broke down."

"And the job?"

"Carl, Pop's mechanic had just quit, so I offered to fix my own car and I may have, during the night, fixed a few other broken appliances. Pop offered me a job. I accepted."

"So how are you really doing?" He asked not trying to hide the concern in his voice.

"Better." She said without hesitation.

"Better?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Good. That's good. You know Teal'c and Daniel really miss you."

She turned and looked questioningly at him. "Not you?"

"Especially me."

She smiled at his reply and dropped her head to her knees to hide the blush she was sure shown on her face.

"Come on, Carl." Jack said pushing himself off the sand and extending his hand to help Carter up. "I'm cold and you have to fix my truck."

They had made their way back to Pop's and taken his tow truck to Jack's cottage to retrieve his truck and two hours later they or at least he was back to where it all started-staring at a pair of legs sticking out from under a car.

"So, Carl, what's the damage?" He asked.

"What?" Came her garbled reply.

He walked over to his truck and stuck his head underneath. "I said can you fix it?"

"Oh." She said somewhat surprised to see his head under the truck. "Um. Yeah, sure, no problem." She pushed herself out from under the truck. "But not until tomorrow. I don't have the part."

"Great." The awkward silence returned as they stood facing each other. He shifted nervously from foot to foot like he was a pimpled faced thirteen year boy on his first date. Carter stood in front of him covered in grease working her bottom lip. "So."

"So."

"I guess I should go. It's a long walk back." He said still shifting nervously. "Carter, it's…it's really good to see you again." He turned to leave and was almost out of the garage when he heard her.

"Wait." She walked over to face him. "Stay."

* * *

**A/N: For those who are not familiar with my Mayberry reference it's from _The Andy Griffith Show_ (1960-1968). It's a classic American T.V. show set in fictional Mayberry, North Carolina. Goober and Gomer Pyle are cousins who lived in Mayberry and worked at Wally's Filling Station. **


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